I cut your hair

I cut your hair

I saw your struggle in defining yourself

In a new body acquired after two babies and two c-sections

I saw you let the world tell you , you not enough

I saw your soul crushed deep within yourself

Wondering …. does nobody see that I just had babies ?

Does nobody care for what I just went through ?

I cut your hair

I heard you ask , is it difficult to acknowledge, clap hands , give some praise for the time , effort , the stretching and the pain you went through ?

Nobody cared

Nobody celebrated your strength

Nobody celebrated your courage

Nobody celebrated your tenacity

And so , I cut your hair

You have lost perspective on who you are

The one you depended on has disappointed you and told you , you are not enough

I had to cut your hair

I see you struggle daily as you put on clothes

You second guess yourself a million times

You wonder if it’s the right item on this “not right” body

Struggling to believe that you are beautiful

I should have cut your hair much earlier

I know you are in deep pain

I see your anguish

I have cut your hair to remind you this

When God created you He said “ this is good”

I cut your hair to force you into a reset mode

Irrespective of the people around you

I cut your hair to say to you, you can start again

I cut your hair to tell you, that you are good enough

I know you don’t believe it right now

I know you rely a lot on people’s opinions

And the one you rely on has disappointed you

But I am going to cut your hair until you find it in yourself again !!!

I will , if I must, cut it over and over again

Until you see yourself clearly

💇‍♀️

When you not his ideal woman

He tells you your thighs are big

And you believed him

He presses them down

To make a point

And emphasis

And you believe him

He takes you for dinner 🥘

You crave for steak 🥩 at a restaurant

He says have a salad 🥗 and you comply

You are not his ideal woman

Yet you hope you will be

He has this idea of how a woman looks like

Yet you believe you shall be one

You lose your power in an effort to please him

And you believe him

You lose your self esteem in an effort to find yourself

And you believe him

I hope you find yourself and believe in yourself

You are beautiful

One day , I hope you believe that

You are enough

Soon day , I hope you understand that

Dear pain – chapter 1

When you know that you know that you know …….

That pain is a critical ingredient of growth . There’s no stretching without pain , there’s no growth without pain . It is impossible to grow without pain …. it’s impossible!!!!!!

When the seed geminates and the soil makes way for the plant to show itself up, it’s not a process without pain ……

So here’s my letter to pain

Dear pain

I welcome you . I realize now that you have been my constant partner since birth. When I was born, I had a choice to stay with the umbilical cord , risk dying or cut the cord and lead a life I was meant to live. Again pain, you were there the moment I was born …….

I realize now that my job is not to pray you away but welcome you and acknowledge you !!

When I asked for growth , I basically asked for you . When I said I know beyond the shadow of doubt , that I was born for greatness, I should have known that you too are an important companion in this process, through and through

I didn’t realize that you are the one to shape and sharpen me . I didn’t realize that you were the dedicated one to help enhance my perspective on self , on love , on family and on ME

I know now that in my moments of triumph you will be there , I will see you even in my joyous moments . I will see you on the other side of my smile and I will see you till the day I die ….

Your intention is not to kill me …. I am very clear about that

And today I change my perspective….. I will no longer be intimidated by your presence in my life. I will rejoice even when I see you lingering around , I will not chase you away but I will embrace you and still lead the life that God meant for me

My soul has just opened up!!!!!!

Pick up

I am trying to remember to make an effort to pick up my mood and energy

I chose flowers 🌺… and I managed to get some today

I was just lazy to remove the elastic band 😋

TGIF – 6 September 2019

TRUST

I am trusting that God puts a rainbow in the clouds!!!!

When it looks like the sun wasn’t going to shine anymore, God put a rainbow in the clouds. This is what I am trusting and praying for. That no matter the size or depth of my clouds, God already put a rainbow in my sky.

It is coming, it will show up and God’s got me

Maya Angelou says “I have had so many clouds, but I have also had so many rainbows”

 

GRATEFUL

I am grateful for the daily mundane tasks and responsibilitiesof life, whether that may be motherhood, wife, Financial Manager, friend, sister. I see a huge value in the qualities and lessons I have acquired over time, from the simple daily activities and for them I am so grateful. 

One lesson that touched me much this week was GROWTH – I am growing in each and every area of these daily responsibilities. It is not always easy but it is worth it – I now have an even better understanding of myself, my life, my values, my hopes and dreams

 

INSPIRED

Reading the book the Success Commandments has changed my life. I listened to the audio version under the “Hollywood Commandments” and I just couldn’t wait to get the book. Truly grateful for the relevance it has brought for me and made understand that I am on a right path. It is a wonderful faith based analysis on how to use what God has given you for His will and service. 

I shall not be moved – the songs vibrated in my being this past few weeks. I shall not be moved, just like a tree planted by the waters I shall not be moved. I shall not be moved from my convictions, my moral compass, my faith and belief I have about our country South Africa.

Despite the challenges and the news we listen or read, South Africa is a beautiful country and it belongs to all those who live in it, a dream and vision that we shall come to realize one day, in full. Of course not without challenges, but I am not moved. 

 

FUN

I have been taking pictures of myself for the past few months. It made me realize I don’t take enough time to look at myself, in fact I don’t have a habit of checking my full body on a daily basis, even after dressing up. These pictures tell a story. One of which is the self-loathing I had internalized about my looks and weight, whilst this was a FUN process, it was a very emotional process to look at me and ask why on earth I am so brutally hard on myself. The gremlins are real. 

 

 

Here is to the journey called life

 

 

Standing in the Sun

I am excited for the new season ! September!!!

Just another reminder that all that had withered , grows again ! Same roots , new stems new flowers 🌺

Hope returns … ohwww it blooms , again ! For the minute there it was dry but ohw look again , it grows

Ziyahluma

I am excited for myself specifically because I will be standing in the SUN

I have been doing a series on The Gifts of Imperfections by Dr Brene Brown and it has helped my life so much. I have grown for the better . I am learning and letting go of who I think I am supposed to be. I have also learned to acknowledge at times and days when I feel like I am a hot mess

But most importantly to also be aware that , hot mess is a part of life and my ability to know myself , be kind to myself and be courageous enough to try again at life is what all great men and women who walked and continue to walk , do on a daily basis

All I need do is allow growth and to continue embrace who I am , who I am becoming and truly surrender to God

I will be doing a new series which I call “ Healing the child in me “ my sister Thembisile Molakeng triggered this years ago and I am so grateful for her

You see , inside this woman , there is a little girl yearning for assurance and a whole lot more and I will be writing her letters. Showing her that it’s okay now , the fear can go the pain can go ! It all worked out okay and from now on the child can be at rest and at peace

My partner book is Dr Shefali “ The Conscious Parent” from it I learned the potential mistakes of deferring my dream in the hope of enforcing them on my children . I also was encouraged to strive to go for my dreams and know that I am just a guardian over my kids , nothing more nothing less.

In order to be a better parent, the child in me must heal .

It is uncomfortable to accept our imperfections but it is the wisest thing required to truly lead a wholehearted life

Come stand in the SUN with me

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#standinginthesun

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