Joy of missing out (Jomo)

I first heard this expression from Oprah. The Joy of missing out and I listened to Adam Grants’ interview on World Economic Forum and I just love that he encouraged us to look at what are we grateful for , that we are missing during this lockdown?

So the approach says , I am so happy that during this lockdown I don’t have to go through this. It helps shift our attitude towards gratefulness and less complaining.

So I decided to write ten things that I have the absolute joy of missing them out ! It’s another way to say to my brain I am here now in this new way of doing things and I am just grateful that I don’t have to go through this . It’s just another way to maintain our sanity , isn’t it ? Here we go !!

Jomo

I have the joy of missing out on the following :

1. The morning rush of getting ready for work

2. The rush of preparing breakfast and getting the kids ready whilst avoiding an offense for being late

3. I have serious jomo on the morning fights between my kids , the tears and the stress that comes with it

4. I have absolute joy of missing out on the dropping off two kids at two different schools- on the clock

5. Nothing compared to the jomo on forgetting the “dress up” days or photo shoot days at school- laaawd the embarrassment and the feeling of letting my kid down – whheeewwww I don’t miss that

6. Jomo on my child remembering that it’s swimming day , she forgot her swimming pack and I have to drive back home to get the bag and I have to let my boss know that I will be late for work- aaaaah

7. I have the joy of missing out from driving an hour to work everyday and returning back for another hour – it is tense because I must pay attention at all times – we are all on fast pace

8. Jomo on arriving home between 6 pm and 7 pm every evening and not having time to breathe before cooking supper

9. Jomo on mom guilty and feeling I am not being there enough for my family because the pace is so fast . Say I get home at six , they eat by 7 and sleep by 8. I haven’t settled because I have just served supper and ate then off to bed 😭😭😭😭

10. Jomo on missing out the unnecessary spending and negative balance in my account – haaa amen 🙏🏾 my bank balance is happy saving on e-toll and petrol . Gave us a chance to contribute to the national fund 💯

As we say in SA – dark or blue

How I celebrated the end of the first 21 days

21 days was the initial cut off for the lockdown , then we learned that it will be extended by 14 days. I was all in for the first 21 days and I realized I did such a great job showing up and being consistent to my work and family . ….

Mentally I needed a break and my body was aching in all areas possible . So what did I do ? I took a nap 😴 . Four hours in the afternoon and my goodness that felt so good 😊 . Watched my favorite show Fixer Upper by Chip and Joanna Gaines, gosh they are so good at what they do . Plus that farm lifestyle is all me and that’s the main reason I love them 😍

I am a doer , an action person , disciplined all type A and some , I know now that I needed to prove to myself that I can. And I did for 21 days. But my focus in the next coming days are going to be resting, creating idle time and some more. So I will be letting go of a lot of stuff undone , in a healthy way . Good luck to me

Here’s to another 14 days , maybe I can finally give myself decent baths with salts , consistent exercise and maybe the girls can give me a good massage . You can never know right 😊

Not asking for much just to rest a little bit

🙏🏾

Great food for thought from @thrive. This will pass not as quickly as I want it to but it will surely pass.

Day -2 – Lockdown South Africa

I have been trying to put words together to try and define the feeling in the air. My feelings for today.

Going through the COVID-19 experience feels like death or loss . There is so much grief from loss and there is a lot that I am grieving for today.

My husband and I were talking about this the other day and he said to me “ you know , it is very interesting how I am a home buddy , but knowing that I have to be home for 21 days, as a rule is not exciting “ and I thought to myself mmhhhnn , I know exactly why this is the case and I can sure relate .

I remembered words once said by Oprah “ our greatest desire/ seek is freedom “ from the book , Wisdom of Sunday’s.

As humans we want to know that we are free to choose what we eat , who to marry , where to go and what time we want to be there . The experience that comes with COVID-19 has taken that away from us . We have lost our freedom of choice and that is a scary idea . A mere inhaling of oxygen next to someone with a disease can potentially make you ill and in some instance it means death itself .

Going to a grocery store during this time , is no longer a choice between essentials and luxury, nope, right now you buy the essentials and you get the hell out of there , you stand in the queue hoping nobody sneezes on you and that no one dares to touch you . You don’t feel the freedom of choice as you used to ! ! It’s all gone !!!

This is very scary and to think that this is our current reality , it is unbelievable! !!! This is not something we go around preparing for , even my own mother who is in her 70’s says she has never seen anything like this. She has heard of a flue back in the days but never personally got to experience a lock down . This is very foreign to me and everyone around me.

Rules and restrictions can quickly take the joy out of something that you love with all of your heart, even if that thing is simply staying at home . The peace of mind that comes with being home because of your choice , feels like it has now being taken away, gone, because of COVID-19 and that’s where the anxiety begins.

To make matters worse, we don’t know when that freedom of choice will be restored back to us , theres is also a real threat that even when it is restored , we might not be truly free .

There is this fear within me , that the extent of the loss will make us to be filled with extreme paranoia and that we will just become a generation of elders who are extremely fearful and anxious.

I pray to God that doesn’t happen to us.

Deja vu

In my effort to try pin point this feeling . I took a journey down memory lane and I went back to April 2008 , the day I heard the news that my brother Sibusiso was hospitalized. He had sent a young man to let me know that he couldn’t speak and needed medical attention urgently. It was a warm normal Monday for me , yet that evening when I got on my knees to pray, I just sobbed , I closed my eyes for a moment and saw a funeral procession , with my brother in the coffin . I was confused , I felt helpless and I didn’t know whether to cast the death demon out or to surrender .

The very next day , I was on the phone calling insurance to check on my financial standings. I didn’t know that the moment on my knees was a “ for your information “ moment and not a “ fighting “ moment . Nonetheless I was left confused , destitute . This was my first experience with loss and not just any other loss, this was my partner in everything .

Just 9 months older than me, my brother was my companion. We dreamt together and I never in a lifetime thought I would loose him in such a short notice.

Less than two years later my dad fell from a tractor , I didn’t know that I was grieving my brother but I realized that because he was the first person to die in my family , I lived in fear of who was next . My dads illness made me take tough decisions , filled with fear and anxiety from the experience I had with my brother.

Basically , I lost my why . Why am I doing what I am doing daily . Why am I earning six figures if my brother is dead and my dad may just die. My family was the drive behind everything I did and for the first time in my life , I got a wake up call like no other and I was in a deep thick fog 🌫 . The experience of losing someone and the fear of another loss and not knowing how to do life with this reality was a huge challenge for me

Back to today’s feeling

I have had so many rugs pulled under my feet ever since that experience , after my brother died, my dad also died and I was 3 months pregnant with our first daughter , less than twenty four months afterwards, my other brother died , again I was pregnant with our second daughter and shortly thereafter my uncle died.

I cannot begin to explain what loss , anxiety and pain does to the human soul but what I know for sure is this , there is a powerful reason why someone wrote that Serenity prayer 🙏🏾

This is why I am convinced that in times like this , this prayer is the most relevant to our lives. Here it goes :

Dear Lord

Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

There is a lot of wisdom in this prayer and I have personally learned through pain and life experience that it is best to welcome whatever experience that comes your way, especially where you have limited control over it, once accepted , TRUST that God , has your best interest at heart . Painful as it may be.

It is not easy

That same fear , that pain , that grief from the loss of the freedom , the loss of a loved one is what’s feeling my air today.

The loss of potential income as companies cannot afford to sustain jobs anymore . Opens room for never ending uncertainty. Many of us are defined by what we do for a living and rightfully so. But for over a year now , I have been reading a book by Michael Singer“ The untethered soul” it helped me redefine my identity versus my job. It is a great self help book and I recommend it.

So today , I would like to encourage you through the helplessness . I would like for you to know that what we are going through , has been allowed and permitted and we shall overcome .

Every year I receive a message for what the year stands for , 2020 is the year of liquidation and it has been permitted . I will expand more on this in my next post.

Our job is to surrender and not to fight and resist.

God is in control.

My wins for the day

I recorded some great wins for myself today !!!

• I cleaned the house very well and opened my lavender air sprays . Cleaning and house chores energizes me , the house smells great 😃

• My kids were outdoor for the most part of the day – I can’t believe how responsible and well behaved this six and four year old are – it’s amazing – they listen – they do their work – they fix their beds and they swept their own room and finished their food – wooow

• I picked up some flowers from the garden 🌸 and decorated my table – simple yet refreshing

• And I got to cook samp and chicken stew – using this moment to show up and serve the people closest to me is the best medicine in the world . I picked up parsley and onion to garnishee from my garden – living the life I tell you 😝

• Prior to the lockdown I recognized some opportunities to blow my kids mind away and so I got jelly and custard – believe me when I say , everyday I hear “ you are the best mommy in the whole wide world “ this is the reason I love being mommy😊😊

• I watched no news today 👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾 none – try this too if you are reading this – it is a very good strategy to help myself not be overwhelmed by everything that is going on

• I watched a few episodes of Designated Survivor- omg this series is one of my favorite!!! We started it from scratch – second round 😆

Places and people I go to for inspiration

Social media can be overwhelming so I choose very responsibly who I choose to follow. I stick to the rule that I don’t touch my phone for at least an hour after waking up and that always works for me.

I follow people who I believe their energy is aligned to my values , what I believe in and have a good debate and challenge my comfort zone.

Here are a few people I think you can consider to follow up and check what they are posting daily :

Iman Rapetti- a phenomenal South African woman and she is letting us into her home with a YouTube channel named , Iman Is Home . A candid experience of a what typical southern African family is going through during this time . With three generations in the discussions , it’s fun , insightful and emotional yet so beautifully done ✅ !!!!

Bongi n Collin- this one is a must do okay – this amazing Christian couple take us through the golden times. They are beautiful and melodically gifted and play all the jams live from the comfort of their home . I feel goosebumps every time I join them on Facebook Live. This a good time to distress- every evening

Zibu Sibiya- I follow her for her insights. She is very much thought provoking and I just love her out of the box thinking . She challenges the social activist in me and basically kicks my ignorance out of the window . She is fantastic!

Dr Brene Brown- she is my go to person and I listen to her podcast . She is in her second or third podcast now . Something new and very vulnerable. You literally feel like she’s your sister or aunt that’s known you since the beginning of time. A qualified Psycologist

Oprah – all her products speak to my soul. Super Soul Sunday goes live and tomorrow Alicia Keys will be live . This is my therapy space – again this is once a week and can always catch up on their episodes if I missed the live sessions

Sarah Jakes – I go to Los Angels live very Friday morning – been doing so for a year now and my life has never been the same . I feed here spiritually

The Red Table Talk – I believe that Jada is a gift for people like me and I tune in , again once a week , religiously so . She covers all type of topics and she is very current and brave. I love the fact that she has three generations of women and there is so much insight and lessons to be learned.

Word of encouragement

“You are not alone , you are not lonely , you are in solitude “ Jay Shetty

Be blessed

Mano

Day 1- Lockdown South Africa – COVID-19

So the lockdown is on and unfortunately today we heard the reports that we have lost 2 people and we have over 1000 infections.

Like many other South Africans this new normal presents serious challenges for our country but moreover there are enormous amounts of opportunities. I am very proud on how we are handling the challenges thus far , many of my friends and family members are adhering to the strict social distancing requirements gazetted by the government. I also have a sister who works in a laboratory and is in charge of the production of essential pharmaceutical products, a brother in government communication, a brother in the provision of energy , a much needed commodity in our daily lives , a brother in retail for those continued food supplies and two friends in the mining sector.

I am very proud to know people who are so selfless and give of their time and are committed to their jobs amidst the anxiety and fear caused by this disease. I think one of the biggest challenge about COVID-19 are the daily ever changing details of what this virus is and the uncertainty around our future of doing life as we normally know it .

A call to prayer

Our President has called the entire nation to prayer 🙏🏾. In times like these , we can only look up and ask the Almighty for help, for hope and surrender to what is to come.

I honestly have no idea what the future holds for us as a nation but I have confidence that He who started the good work in us shall see it to its completion.

God is always faithful and whatever lesson He wants us to learn from this , personally I am very open to it and I welcome it .

Afraid at times ? Absolutely, intimidated some days , yes , anxiety ridden some days , off course . But it’s the experiences that have come with growing up that lead me to know with certainty, that WE shall overcome !!!

So at 18:00 everyday , the entire country takes a moment to call upon the Almighty and I promise you , I do feel a little hopeful after every minute I spent in that prayer.

How have I been preparing myself mentally ?

I honestly have been calm in what is obviously a brewing storm that cannot even be measured yet . I attributed this to the fact that I do have a stressful job and with that comes a daily yearning to slow down and spend quality time with my family and this 21 days gives me that absolute opportunity to do just that. As soon I got the news on the lockdown my mind went straight into gratitude mode and I just knew that there is something special for me and my family in all this.

My second reason is I always wanted to be a house wife 😀 and God and life had other plans for me . So a part of me is eternally grateful to be home every single day and I get to lead the ideal life of being mommy and wife , to cook endlessly and just have more eye to eye chats with the little ones and hubby.

The formalities

Like a very well trained soldier I love a formal schedule and I will be developing one for my family in how we will be managing the rest of the days.

The schedule is more for myself because I am very formal and routine orientated and I also believe this is very beneficial for the kids.

My husband and I figured out that the kids are still on school holidays officially and so we are letting them have that break and once that’s done then we will introduce them to the tasks that the school gave us and we will do these on a daily basis.

Our six year old has been spending 30 minutes a day to do her Kumon Mathematics and English lessons as part of her school holiday work and so far it has been going very well.

We just received word from the dance class teacher that they will be conducting lessons online and we are all very much excited about that. This is the one reason I am so thankful for technology because whilst the world has stopped , there is still some sense of continuity.

What am I grateful and excited for

I am grateful for time to be with my family for the next 21 days , I already learned something about my girls last night that I know for sure I wouldn’t have been able to know this soon under normal circumstances.

Even though my husband and I are working on a daily basis. I am grateful that we get to do so in the comfort of our home and a wonderful space that we have created for ourselves.

I am very excited for the ample time I will get to spend gardening, I got a few bags of potting soil and succulents for this purpose !

I will be trying a few recipes in the kitchen , the go to chef for that is FoodiesSA and they will be my companion for the next coming days . I honestly can’t wait 😊

An unrushed time to reflect . I mean honestly there’s just no greater opportunity to write more on my blog and share my thoughts with the world. I would love to take this opportunity to give of myself to friends and family through a daily prayer 🙏🏾. I believe this will go a long way to support those in need of uplifting and hope during this time. So everyday in the morning I will send a prayer though Facebook and Instagram to let us know that we shall overcome

I have this idea that I am going to grow and discover myself , my marriage and my family even more . There is that feeling of peace and a good feeling about the person I would have become on the other side of this lockdown and this feeling makes me happy 😊

My husband and I have never been home together for 21 consecutive days since we met ten years ago . This is a big deal for us because we have spent almost all weekends together for the past ten years . So this is a time to discover more about each other and what it means to us being there for each other during a time of uncertainty. The thought brings security and peace to my mind.

The amount of creativity around the world , the vulnerability that we are seeing from leaders across the globe . All of it let’s me know that something good is going to come out of this. I love seeing posts from America to Italy and Cape Town people and mostly total strangers showing up for each other . From music , family gatherings to funny memes , seeing this , a world united in song, in grief and hope is something that I am very grateful to living to see in my time on this earth.

A word of encouragement

I take my que from Dr Evans who posted something profound about choosing what to frame from this experience . She referred to a trip she took with her family to Disneyland and just before it ended things went south ending up with a child in hospital . She noted that on their return from the trip , she printed and framed the pictures showing the good stuff, not to say that the bad stuff didn’t happen but she chose to focus on the great memories

When I watched this video I knew that this is was exactly how I felt . I made a decision from the beginning to say I am going frame the good stuff from this experience and I just had this certainty about it.

I will not deny the sadnesses, anxiet and uncertainty but when it all ends this is how I want to frame this experience and the opportunity it presents:

⁃ The growth that will come with all of this

⁃ The appreciation of time with family

⁃ The ultimate surrender to Gods will

⁃ The letting go of material stuff that lingers around to define me

⁃ I will celebrate a new me

⁃ I will celebrate an improved quality relationship with my husband and kids

⁃ A better perspective of what work means to me and for me

⁃ A creative mind and way on how to get by with little

⁃ An appreciation of a united world

⁃ Being fully present

⁃ Seeing plants grow daily

⁃ Cooking galore of my favorite and new recipes

⁃ Playtime with the kids 😃😃😃

⁃ I might actually find a business idea and make good money and be a housewife

⁃ The possibilities are endless

So I pray that wherever you are reading this today , you can choose to frame the good stuff from this experience we are having today .

Much love

Mano

20th year in Jhb

This is my 20th year in JhB Egoli , the City of Gold !!!! Yeeeeesssssss

When I stood on that N3 with my brother , hiking to this city I had BIG dreams and I just had this amazing faith that God , the dream giver will never leave me nor forsake me

Indeed He has been faithful

It is so rewarding to know that I invested in friendships and I have my confidants , constituencies and comrades that I have walked this journey with for twenty years!! This I am very grateful for

I have used ten of the twenty years to walk in love with my Figo , this too I am grateful for !!

So this next ten years I am elevating things , that hike shall ever ever be in vain !!

I am catching my dreams , faith is my shield 🛡 it has to be worth it !!!

#pickupuyourmatandgo

Thank you for 2019

Dear Lord

Thank you for 2019

Thank you for crushing me. I know you know how much I hated this experience and process . I know you know how hurt I was and still am. I know you know how destroyed I felt and feel. I know you know how much pain I was in and how much I needed every bit of a reason and way to escape the pain

I know you know how I wished for death than this pain

Lord you crushed me . Perhaps I thought I was good enough as an extra sweet branch of dark grapes 🍇 ripe and ready for harvest. Perhaps you know better that I’m better off being a well kept wine 🍷, slowly brewed and extra matured …. so you had to crush me for the ultimate best of me to come out

Dear Lord I have to trust you . I have to trust you that the crushing is for my good. I have to trust you that indeed this too shall work together for my good

But I know that you know and I trust that you weighed the challenges , the pain, the destruction and you saw your grace being sufficient for me through this all

I had to trust your presence even when I didn’t feel it. I had to trust your grace even when I didn’t see it . I had to trust that all this will serve me some day and that I will look back with tears mixed with joy for I endured

Dear Lord

I submit the pain

I submit the anger

I submit the stress

I submit the bitterness

I submit the hostility

I submit the unforgiveness

Open my soul up Heavenly Father. Release me from the bondage and set my heart , my soul and spirit free

Dear 2019 ….. ungivovile….. ngiyabonga 🙏🏾🙏🏾ngikhulile

Inspired by TDJakes

TGIF – 6 September 2019

TRUST

I am trusting that God puts a rainbow in the clouds!!!!

When it looks like the sun wasn’t going to shine anymore, God put a rainbow in the clouds. This is what I am trusting and praying for. That no matter the size or depth of my clouds, God already put a rainbow in my sky.

It is coming, it will show up and God’s got me

Maya Angelou says “I have had so many clouds, but I have also had so many rainbows”

 

GRATEFUL

I am grateful for the daily mundane tasks and responsibilitiesof life, whether that may be motherhood, wife, Financial Manager, friend, sister. I see a huge value in the qualities and lessons I have acquired over time, from the simple daily activities and for them I am so grateful. 

One lesson that touched me much this week was GROWTH – I am growing in each and every area of these daily responsibilities. It is not always easy but it is worth it – I now have an even better understanding of myself, my life, my values, my hopes and dreams

 

INSPIRED

Reading the book the Success Commandments has changed my life. I listened to the audio version under the “Hollywood Commandments” and I just couldn’t wait to get the book. Truly grateful for the relevance it has brought for me and made understand that I am on a right path. It is a wonderful faith based analysis on how to use what God has given you for His will and service. 

I shall not be moved – the songs vibrated in my being this past few weeks. I shall not be moved, just like a tree planted by the waters I shall not be moved. I shall not be moved from my convictions, my moral compass, my faith and belief I have about our country South Africa.

Despite the challenges and the news we listen or read, South Africa is a beautiful country and it belongs to all those who live in it, a dream and vision that we shall come to realize one day, in full. Of course not without challenges, but I am not moved. 

 

FUN

I have been taking pictures of myself for the past few months. It made me realize I don’t take enough time to look at myself, in fact I don’t have a habit of checking my full body on a daily basis, even after dressing up. These pictures tell a story. One of which is the self-loathing I had internalized about my looks and weight, whilst this was a FUN process, it was a very emotional process to look at me and ask why on earth I am so brutally hard on myself. The gremlins are real. 

 

 

Here is to the journey called life

 

 

This is the will of God for my life

I have been reflecting on my New Year resolutions and goals I set for this year and I am humbled by the grace of God and the revelation of the word in my life. I did not have big things to do, somehow I understood what time it is in my life. And I felt so strongly that the Lord was leading me to this place of great understanding. 

One of my most favorite scriptures is 1 Chronicles 12v32

32 from Issachar, men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do—200 chiefs, with all their relatives under their command;

Understanding of what time it is in my life is something I consider as amongst the greatest gifts of all. More so because it is very easy to get lost in the aloofness of chasing something outside what we have and what God has entrusted to us, in the hope or an illusion that what we seek, what we desire andwhat is fulfilling is somewhere out there and not just right under our nose.

So in our list of things to do, we prayed for new pots – my husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have been preparing our meals in some pots we used from varsity days and singlehood days. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but just that our focus was that we wanted our actions to reflect what we value. Home cooked meals and time spent together as a family is something that we hold dear and close to us and this goal was just a representation of that.

We also prayed for creating a space for a retreat in our garden, we call it a “zen” space. And what this represent for us is a place to come home and refresh or be rejuvenated. It is powerfully recognising that we choose not to have any other place or space, which will help us connect, be revived, pray or relax, either than our home. So we know that home is where we find joy, rest and peace of mind.

Furthermore, we prayed for enabling our bedroom, ours and children to reflect a space of rest, intimacy and conversation. Sleep is one of the most important human needs and we do take it for granted at times. So putting some effort in creating a space that is calm, welcoming and comfortable was something that we desired. And of course having the kids design their own space is one way of allowing creativity to flow and also helping them take ownership of their living environment. 

And so for the past 8 months, I have been waking up early, preparing cute lunch boxes for our babies, sometimes I would do them the night before. I helped our babies brush their teethevery single day, bathed them, and rubbed their cute tiny bodies with Vaseline next to a heater, just the way my mother did it for me. I then put some warm clothes on their bodies, prepared and served them breakfast. I then drove and dropped them at different school every single day. My husband would later go fetch them and do homework, every single day.

This year I learned to negotiate my working hours at work,granted I stepped into a new employer right at the beginning of this year and I saw a good opportunity to be upfront about the quality of life I wanted to lead. I am very grateful for this opportunity and just the amazing amount of growth I have experienced as a working class person, to just be able to say what I want. So as a result, I start working 30 minutes later than everybody else, to allow me to drop off kids at school. I sacrifice 30 minutes of my lunch so that I can catch up and leave work on normal time. I further negotiated to leave early on one of the work days, to allow me to be there for my child at one of her dance classes. I truly consider this a privilege and I am grateful to be here and serve my employer and my family in this way. 

So looking back at the past 8 months, I am glad that I can measure my life, with the success of preparing daily lunchboxes , meals and sitting down to share those meals, creating sweet memories together as we explored our area. The welcoming of the new puppies in our lives and how they have helped changed us as a family. The little quiet moments of rest and play. I am happy to be witnessing growth in relationship to our kids, my husband and just becoming a better human being in this world. 

I truly feel that this is the will of God for my life right now. To do whatever it takes to put my family first, to serve my husband and our kids to the best of my ability. To use every resource that the Lord has given me, to show up, to be present, fully seen. To continuously use my voice and authority in my workspace, to advocate for a healthy quality of life, do disrupt the definition of commitment as late hours, early mornings and no rest nor fulfilling relations.

To serve my family, to be faithful through the daily chores, the laundry, the washing of dishes, the sitting around the wood fire, the chats over drinks, baking pizza on Fridays and baking muffins every Sunday afternoons. This is where my heart is fed and my soul opens up!

I am encouraged by Priscilla Shirer YouTube video named “When you are asking what is God’s will for your life” I was so emotional listening to it. It was as if God was whispering to me that I am on the right track. It affirmed me to care for the regular, mundane assignments, daily tasks, sometimes they wear one out, but they are what I am convicted to do and thatwhich most take for granted. 

There is so much beauty and contentment in knowing that this is the will of God in my life.

 

 

Dear God,

 

Help me remember to ask myself in every season of my life “what time is it  and help me find my way back to the road that which you desire me to walk on. Help me to remain in humility and surrender to your will for my life. Help me not to chase what is fleeing, but to chase your will for my life, always.

Grateful heart 

 

 

TGIF – 26 July 2019

Trusting

It has been almost two years from October 2017 that I have been hearing the voice of the Lord saying to me ” it’s over” . I do believe that a lot has been ending in my life , sadness and sorrow. More than anything I earned resilience through adversity. I am continuing to surrendering and trusting God to reveal to me more meaning and I trust that whatever comes my way , He’s got me. I also listened when the voice told me that writing it out loud here will release me from the anxiety and open me for what is about to happen in my life . Dear Lord , I open up

Grateful

Grateful for unlimited and amazing joy I have experienced this week !!! My team and I did a stellar job and received an unqualified audit opinion. After all the affirmations I did on my blog, I do feel slightly above the deep desire and need to be defined by it. However I will make a special case to make sure that when all is said done we celebrate this milestone and just sit in the happiness of its glorious moment . I can only hope that we grow further from here. This is such a big deal!!!

I am very grateful for being mom. Our eldest daughter had her first open school concert this week. Firstly as a working mom, I am grateful that I have found my voice , to an extent that I am able to call my boss , tell the truth and say how it would make feel to show up for my child. I am so grateful that I showed up. At the end of that day , Katlego came to our bedroom and said ” mom, thank you for coming to my school concert today, you made my day” . I sobbed , because I didn’t realize that a five year old notices and could even verbalize their appreciation.

This is the kind of a mom I have always aspired to be and for this opportunity, I am grateful 🙏🙏🙏

Inspired

I am inspired by Devon Franklins book The Hollywood Commandments. You know there are prayers I have made and just surrendered them to God and let go. I know behind a shadow of doubt that God wants me to be reading this book at this very moment in my life. I made an affirmation recently and posted ” I am ready to make a shift” and this book is just what I needed to break me open and to remind me of what God can do even for people who work in a so called circular world like me . It is my answered prayer and I am amazed

Fun

This week I was very giddy and playful. My team encouraged me to take selfies and have fun . Even though I still need selfie induction I opted for daily photo on the patio ! This was so much fun and very playful. I enjoyed every moment of it !!

Planned fun – I joined my colleagues in my first ever winter games fun . This is a collective effort where various entities under the Chapter Nine institutions come together and compete in various sporting quotes. I signed up for aerobics and it was a good two hours of fun ( I couldn’t hold on for another 2more hours 😝😝😝). This fun is significant for me , there is a lonely journey walked by woman in powerful positions and this was my way of trying to let go and be part of my people … this meant arriving at the office this morning , packing my stuff and saying bye , just as I was stepping to the lift I got called in to release a payment … this took an hour away from my intended schedule. Usually this would have made feel aaagh why bother going , work needs me . But today I won , I persisted with my intention to be part of the bigger group, even though I only have had conversations with a handful of people since my arrival at this entity !!! I still had fun 👌🏾

I am on my way to being the woman I am meant to be . I am evolving and I am proud of myself 🙏🙏🙏

What’s on your TGIF journal ? I would like to 👂

TGIF- 14 July

Trust

I am trusting that with my growth comes maturity. I had to dig deep into my self worth this week and took a bold decision to put this on our office wall. Be here, be you , belong . It does not matter the audit outcome , you are good enough.

This writing on the wall is something I was inspired to place. I was trusting that my team is encouraged to know that our office space is a safe environment to be yourself and be truly seen. Secondly , in an environment where we are responsible for financial reporting and are measured based on an audit outcome , it is critical to own our skills , resources and self worth regardless of the audit outcome. Especially when the factors determining this outcome have become something beyond our control

I never thought I would ever think this way in my career life but I have come to realize that I ought to speak truth to BS. When I got to a point that I couldn’t answer the questions truthfully from my team , I woke up to the realization that beating about the bush on something so obvious doesn’t help. So I stopped being naive and spoke the truth

When the audit is done and no matter the opinion I know this for sure that we will rise . Because we have not placed our self worth on this opinion and are able to self correct and and focus ourselves and effort on a goal much higher than the audit opinion . Don’t hear me wrong , the opinion matters but at this point and time in our office , we have to trust ourselves first before we can put our self worth on another person or organization.

And looking back at my career in public service , I wish I knew this sooner . I have wasted a lot of time trying to prove myself and have failed dismally , over and over again. Knowing this has given me my power back

So I trust and pray for more courageous leadership and finding my self worth in something bigger and more than an audit opinion

Gratitude

I am grateful for long lasting friendships. Meeting with my friends and sisters in Christ for a birthday lunch was the highlight of my week. These are ladies I have known for over 15 years and I just have so much gratitude for their presence in my life. I have always had the fear about losing friends and I am grateful that I have learned that friendships are built , just like any good lasting quality anything. Losing friends at this stage is more of an informed decision rather than a shock to my system

Friendships require trust , patience and lots of forgiveness. One of my biggest lesson on friendships to date has been growing together , loving and supporting one another even when you have a difference in opinion or status quo changes on matters or issues that you thought you both believed in . To also be friends regardless of the path you each chose in life

In short , I have learned that my friends will never love me more than I can love myself. I also see daily that even with areas where I feel insecure , it’s not their job to boost my ego and self esteem about my achievements or lack thereof . How I feel about myself and how I show up to my friends is my absolute responsibility.

As I grow in friendship I am learning to give myself permission that I belong here , and my belonging is not subject to my performance or the lack thereof. I am further learning to look at these voices and giving them less and no power over me and teaching others to do the same:

  • My belonging is not based on the a academic qualification I hold
  • It is not the size of the house nor the surbub I live in
  • It is not the job I hold nor the number of zeros I make
  • The pains of life are not as a result of my sins
  • In other words there is nothing I could have done better to prevent the pain and sadness in my life
  • Miscarriages are not a result of sins committed to God or Gods punishment of sin
  • Divorce is not your fault or an indicator of something doe wrong in the past
  • Retrenchments are not a sign of lack of prayer life
  • Bearing children with disability is not an indicator that I don’t pray or fast enough
  • Staying home to raise my kids is not a sign that I am not ambitious enough
  • Giving birth in csection instead of natural birth is not an indicator of lack of exercise

Friendships can be rewarding as much as they can be brutal. We are human beings and all that we desire is to belong . And at times we sacrifice our growth and self discovery at the risk of this belonging. It is much easier to belong when you all singing the same song and showing up for stuff at the same time. It is much difficult to belong when you must be yourself regardless of the tune and the timing of others , this kind of belonging takes a lot of courage

One example is when I was growing up in friendship, I used to assume that in order to be closer with a person I ought to know how they feel or know their troubles or secrets. I have come to admire this , that in fact , my love for each and every one of my friends now is not based on how much I know about their stuff , but I offer to them an unwavering support and unconditional love that is inspired by Christ. I no longer desire to know their daily struggles in order to emphasize or show up for them.

In fact I have learned that knowing anyone’s stuff is such a huge responsibility. I also know now that I must earn the right to hear their stories and the same goes for them

My love and support for them is not based on their response and actions towards me. But it based on my commitments to see the friendship through .

I am only arriving at this level of maturity because I am learning that I first must belong to myself and only then can I truly show up

So I count myself blessed to have had sisters to pray with , laugh with and shed a tear with over my life. I pray to God to be more intentional in each season to grow and learn more about one another and be there for one another !!!

Inspired

I am inspired by technology and access to tools and resources that enable me to invest in myself. I subscribed to Woman Evolve and it has been such a pleasure to watch some life changing experiences in this app by Sara Jakes Roberts. I am also inspired by @foodies of sa , an online site offering divine South African dishes that are so simple and easy to make . I tried two of dishes this week and my family is so impressed 😆

Fun

We have a 🔥/ Boma in our house that we fire up when we have visitors. I decided to give myself a treat this week and I am forever grateful. Preparing the fire with my girls was such a pleasure and finally lying on the sofa with the whole family , listening to music and gazing at the moon and the stars was a bliss.

This was fun and I cannot remember the last time I had such peace of mind and pure joy in my life. It definitely surpassed my own understanding

#tgif