Like most families , the Covid pandemic has affected us negatively too. We will be losing part of our income and according to the government schedule it doesn’t seem like work will be going on until the last stage, which may be another two months from the date of this blog post. This does make sense because of the nature of work my husband is in , which is travel.
This has affected us as a family , whilst we have faced a job loss before , this experience doesn’t take away the anxiety from the fear of the unknown and I think in part this is what my body and soul needed to process.
My peace of mind is absolutely gone. I say so because I have not been having normal sleeping hours. I doesn’t matter how exhausted I am , I will be in my bed say 22:30 and I will still be up by 1am , can’t sleep. Then I am up by 8am. Something I am totally not used to.
I started having headaches, on a daily basis consistently . All of my sanity would be feeling fine except I would be having this excruciating headache from nowhere. The only way for it to go has been through grandpa powder medication. So I have bee depending on them for about two weeks straight . Then I had a terrible gum infection , it lasted for a good 8 days before I sought help. I finally got antibiotics and pain medication and my life felt almost normal. And lastly I’ve had my arm being badly hurt , and I don’t even recall what happened to cause the scar.
All of the above are signs telling me something is wrong . I need to sit and be quiet . Listen to my body , listen to my soul. Take it in and allow the pain to express itself , the best way it wants . When all of this is done , I will come out like gold.
As a result I have been giving myself a lot of permission slips that read as follows:
- I give myself permission to be afraid. I am afraid of being depressed , losing hope and losing touch with the world . Allowing myself to feel this or even write it has been hard
- I give myself permission to worry about how our family will cope with an adjusted income or a possible complete loss of income
- Allow myself to draw faith and testimony from the fact that we have been through this before and we saw how our faith kept us going . In 2013 , we got pregnant with our first baby, 3months into it , I lost my dad and lost my job. My mentor said to me “ Nomusa , Gods never puts a baby in a womb without a plan to provide” I give myself permission to draw from this testimony that God did provide , we never lacked and our child is now six years old plus we have a second four years old too
- Allow myself to worry for and about KG but at the same time remember the vision 35. Agree and believe that this is the age the Lord told him to retire and that it comes as no coincidence should the job be lost . He knew since day one I met him that at 35 he would retire from formal employment.
- I give myself permission to allow the experience in its truest from whilst opening myself to the miracle right in front of my eyes
- I give myself to doubt and again be confident of the word the Lord gave me. I was told that 2020 is the year of Liquidation.
- Liquidation is a formal insolvency procedure in which a company is brought to an end; all of its assets are liquidated and the proceeds from the sale of assets is used to repay creditors.
- Give myself permission to believe that God is a way maker. Even though I don’t see Him working , He never stops working . God has this situation in control . Just because I cannot touch or feel it , it doesn’t mean it exists not
I have no doubt that 2020 is the year of liquidation. Something has come to an end. Pretentious life has come to an end . Anything that is not worth pursuing will not be part of my agenda after the lockdown
Clarity – is what COVID is giving to me . I am getting clearer and clearer. For this , I am grateful !!
Everyone that prophesied that’s it’s a year of clear vision was right too. It’s about time I get very clear about myself and what God says about me !!!
See All is made clear !!! What a wonder 🙌🏿🙌🏿