You regret what you didn’t do and not what you did

20 years ago I started studying at Wits Tech . I remember the feeling I had within three months of my arrival

I just had this terrible feeling of regret with my Grade 12 Maths outcome …. I stood right at the F-Purple block and uttered- I could have gotten an A in Maths πŸ€·πŸΏβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΏβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΏβ€β™€οΈand I got a B instead … I could have done better … I should have done better

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

You see coming to further my studies was a dream come true but I didn’t expect myself to grasp the stuff at this level , I just assumed that technikon modules would be hard

And I was pleasantly surprised

I aced my statistics class even though I didn’t even relate to the subject matter. Meaning at that point in time I couldn’t imagine the role of the subject in real life situations

But I did exceptionally well , to a point that I realized that I could have done better with extra commitment to my Mathematics in Grade 12 …..

It took a while for that feeling to go away . I regretted not working harder to get an A

This was the same year I grasped the concept of β€œ could have β€œ β€œshould have β€œ and how much it adds no value to ones life

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The lesson that I got was as follows –

I must make every effort with every opportunity I get to give it my best shot.

There are some life experiences where you only get one chance to shoot . Give it your best

Recognize the moment because we are always standing in the moments of history without even realizing it . We are always writing a story about our lives . Try your best to make sure that you own the words

Dwelling in the past does not help , I cannot change it . I can only change the future

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For the past twenty years there has been some good awareness about this fact but an even better experience has been the one where I am now aware that some experiences are just that once off ….. I am now in the time and space where I can also create these opportunities for these shots to occur and it feels great

I have also learned to never take any opportunity for granted . Every experience is intended to serve me some way , always

Lastly , I give myself grace when something doesn’t work . Because I don’t know what I don’t know and this has taken a while for me to grasp

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Walking into this new year – I have a deep yearning to lead my life from a place of no regrets. I want to try to shoot my best shot at whatever it is that God has placed under my responsibility . Be it work , raising kids , marriage, friendships and family life. From that day at F-purple block , I think I have done pretty well and I am grateful

I want for difference in room for improvement and utter negligence

I want to be able to look back with a smile on my face , and marvel to the fact that I tried

In success and failure – it will feel good to know that at least that was my best shot

The relentless pursuit is on because I don’t want to regret not doing what I know I was meant to do

So help me God

πŸ™πŸΎ

20th year in Jhb

This is my 20th year in JhB Egoli , the City of Gold !!!! Yeeeeesssssss

When I stood on that N3 with my brother , hiking to this city I had BIG dreams and I just had this amazing faith that God , the dream giver will never leave me nor forsake me

Indeed He has been faithful

It is so rewarding to know that I invested in friendships and I have my confidants , constituencies and comrades that I have walked this journey with for twenty years!! This I am very grateful for

I have used ten of the twenty years to walk in love with my Figo , this too I am grateful for !!

So this next ten years I am elevating things , that hike shall ever ever be in vain !!

I am catching my dreams , faith is my shield πŸ›‘ it has to be worth it !!!

#pickupuyourmatandgo

Dear 2020

My scripture for this year is John 5 – Bethesda

This story has resonated with me so much so that it’s my theme for the new year .

There were five covered porches at this pool = the number 5= Grace and this means grace was there all along in this place. The grace of God is always abundant. Grace is with me every day all day and I want to stay in this knowledge and awareness . No matter the size of the trouble and sadness , GRACE abides

The man by the pool had been there for 38 years and had some real experiences = I have learned that there’s a lot that one garners through life experiences and one starts to find some form of comfort in those experiences, especially the negative stuff and these become the story we tell ourselves . These stories are real and sometimes these stories can hinder our next season of success and progress . We must be careful with ourselves and must be aware how we define our lives through these experiences.Our experiences become the window with which we use to view life , add on that we have families and friends and all their experiences combined become the standard or unfortunately they also become the limitations of why one can do or not be able to do . So one does end up with a window view that’s dim or bright and alive with hope and possibilities

So I go into the next decade I am extremely paying attention to this in my life . Having lived for 36 years, having tried and failed , having hoped and discouraged can make me want to give up and just sit with that evidence file of failed attempts . It’s a mid life between deciding to sit at the pool and die there , tell the story and feel the empathy of everyone around me

The story is real

My experiences are real . My experiences are my truth BUT God and miracles also exist

Jesus asked the man – Would you like to be well ? – I can’t sir – really ?

Woow it is amazing that with life experiences which we end up calling facts – we don’t answer the questions , instead we refer to experiences ….. the man answered by saying I can’t get healed Jesus. I have no one to push me . Jesus I have tried and always , every time someone gets in front of me . Believe me Jesus I tried .

This is the same as saying It’s not my fault Jesus , I have faith , I tried Jesus but Jesus nawe uyabona

In midlife there are definitely a bunch of disappointments from set expectations. As long as you leading life with human beings , disappointments are bound to occur but this moment by the pool when the man shares his reality teaches me that at the core I don’t want to place my success and joy at the hands of the help that I feel entitled to . . . Even better , where people have disappointed me it’s okay to seek out more other connections and it’s okay to rather be connected to Jesus and the rest will be history . You need people in your life

I want to give faith a chance … I pray that I do that often .. no matter my experiences …. I pray to give faith a chance

This is saying to me it’s okay to have tired it all , remember that after you have done all you can , give faith a chance , give miracles a chance

β€”β€”β€”β€” β€”β€”β€” β€”β€”β€”- β€”β€”β€”β€” β€”β€”β€”β€”

The stories I tell myself πŸ™πŸΎ

This is going to be my most challenging task to face for the rest of my life. I have been alive for 36 years, I have a lot of experiences some good and some bad . I want to give my life a chance and I don’t want my bad experiences to discourage me from living my life fully

When life calls me forth , I promise myself to refuse to say , I tried it and failed . It will be tempting to say so , it is safe to use experience as a buffer , it is scary to try again, my experiences are a foundation of sort . Off course I’m not supposed to discard all experiences . But I want courage to know that my bad experiences and my disappointments are not the end of me and I am still capable of more and greatness . Equally I can produce more joy and more progress and triple success !!!

Failing was just a redirection not the end

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So I pray to stay above the clouds mentally – because even when I see the clouds I will believe that the sky remains blue on the other side of the clouds

I wish to stay below the sea because then I will always know that no matter the size of the waves above sea levels there’s always calmness deep down

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Weight – the story I tell myself is that I’m Zulu and it’s cultural to be big . I hate being fat it makes me unhappy to feel my thighs against each other , the struggle with clothes etc . So I release this story . There are exceptions in my family and I will look for these exceptions within my culture and I desire to be healthy , slim and that makes me happy . I too will be an exception

Background – the story I tell myself is the β€œ disadvantaged β€œ story line . There are facts attached to it . But I look at me today and I say aaaahh what were the odds . So I am going to push regardless of the story because God doesn’t care for location location and location . South African Black Dark Hips and all . I am powerful beyond measure

– ————————⁃- β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

Books I’m starting with in 2020

How will you measure your life by Clayton M – I still recommend d this book . It will continue to be my manual for 2020

What to say when you talk to yourself by Shad Helmsetter – bought this one today I just want to say positive things to me , daily . .because with life and growing up the negative chatter becomes so overwhelming

Boundaries in marriage by Dr Henry Cloud because it turns out I got a lot to learn about this institution . It’s a journey I intend to be in for my lifetime , every investment in it is worth it and I just want to be better , I’m obsessed with doing my best and being the best at it

Shut up and listen by Tilman Fertitta – there’s a power multi billionaire in me so this book is engraving some great principles inside me . I will be doing a lot or this in 2020 . Business and more business

I am taking everything by Dr Brene Brown – she is my coach πŸ™πŸΎπŸ™πŸΎ and for her I am very grateful

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

In 2020 I acknowledge the experiences Ohw but honey I am so picking my mat, I am standing up and shall sin no more !!!!

Catching my dreams !!!!!