Pain pass on purpose

Still inspired by the message “ I am carrying nations”

Your pain will give birth to your purpose(TDJ), so today I will be sharing with you in part my pain, passion and purpose.


It always begins with a story . . . . . . . .

When I was 5 years old my mother told me I am going to big school, my imagination went as far as the cities and places I had never seen before, all I knew was my mind saw “transformation from poverty to well-being “my family becoming well, in each and every form, my community, my people  . . . I saw myself using whatever information, tools and knowledge to impact the community in a positive way . . . . . I knew right there on that day that I have a heart for community……. I felt it deep inside me, at the age of 5.

Amazing thing is this is here is what I also said verbally on the day “I am going to be rich and I am going to build my mother a house , I said this out loud, running and circling what was then a 3 rooms shack that we lived in as a family. . . . . this was  January 1989 right after my mother had registered me at Warden Primary School.


My first pain – experiencing the kids who couldn’t catch up with the other kids at school with regards to grades. That gave me a lot of pain and I always tried to make a lot of effort throughout my school life to help, tutor. This is my area of pain that made me understand that my calling is a teacher. This is at the core of what I do to date . . . and placing people in the areas of their strength is what I thrive in as I manage teams and lead people. There are no slow people, people need their strengths to be better placed/utilized, so that all of us can excel and thrive . . .

My second pain – I observed that I was just one of a handful of students that went to University from my community. In my second year I expected another genius student to join me and when she didn’t I was in state of stress. I had constant headaches and I just couldn’t believe it. This made me wonder what more can we do to assist and it drove a deep desire in me to want change that and this gave birth to an NPO and helping other students get the same opportunities. Giving people access is my absolute passion and when you lead teams and manage people, you must create that bridge that allows people to cross . .  . it’s a life long journey


These two pains that turned into passion and ultimately connecting to my purpose of “a well becoming society” have contributed to the person that I am today.

The environment continuously evolves but at the core these become my tools of service

I also know that God never puts any dream in a human being without guiding you through. The passion I have to teach my team members daily, to create opportunities for policies that enable continuous learning even in organizations continue to be at the center of my life. . . . . Why …. because I now have the authority to change things. This is why we get appointed into positions of power



There is a lot that I can share on these two pain to help you connect the dots , but here is what Dr. Myles Munroe has to say

.” In life, purpose is defined by the thing that makes you angry. Martin Luther was angry; Mandela was angry; Mahatma Gandhi was angry; Mother Teresa was angry. If you are not angry, you do not have a ministry yet. Myles Munroe

“You will never change anything that you are willing to tolerate” Myles Munroe


Pay attention to your pain. Sometimes you can even find yourself lonely in that pain . The reason is God has given you the tools to turn the situation around and not everybody !!!!

Pay attention to the things that you are not willing to tolerate. Seek the gifts and ask the Lord to show you how to help change the situation

Your journey is always yours alone don’t doubt yourself !!!!


Connect the dots and serve the Lord and His people with your life !!!!






Missing my barista job – how to prevent it

Once upon a time a male white customer had told me that I was going to miss my barista job.

I remember thinking to myself “ uqalile ke umlungu akafuni umuntu omnyama aphumelele” Ingani I told him I’m studying phela towards a finance profession … I thought he was just being jealous yaaz

It took me days pondering on what he meant and sadly I didn’t have the courage at the time to ask him what he had meant by that

I was studying towards the National Diploma and was doing this job , I was now placed at Rosebank Mall and I honestly was loving what I was doing …..

I got paid R10 rands an hour , I mean that is a whole of cash for a student 👍🏾

But the thought of me being an educated unhappy somebody scared me. So I started finding out if there was anything special about my current job that I would miss

And I needed to understand the difference between my barista job and my destined job and if perhaps there’s a character or personality or gift limiting factors that the new , hoped for job would do to me

This led me to be pay attention to the “work” of a barista. One thing I wasn’t always good at was small talk , but the boys at the shop hated it even more , so we had a deal, that I will manage the till and do the “small talk” with the customers whilst they do coffee ( the boys)

Unbeknown to me I was such a natural at it . I actually stopped asking customers what would they like with their coffee and offered them the many options we had instead

In the mornings I started to sell bagels, muffins , healthy wraps , sandwiches and quiches… mid day I went for short breads and florentines and the afternoon brownies and cheese cakes were my go to stock. I started cleaning the fridges almost daily , I used my inventory theories I was learning at Wits Tech to do first in first out. I noticed that putting our coffee mugs directly into the washer didn’t remove all the stains , so I’d soak each cup before I wash it and our cups looked better.

When customers said our counters smell like babies bums because we used baby oil, I found a way to keep them clean and shiny without compromising the look and feel of the shop

We had positions A=till , B= coffee and C= tables

I found out that I pushed my ques very quickly and then I would go about to interact some more with customers on the other side of the till and spend time on position C …. this is usually a Managers role … but I had the luxury of time and talking advantage 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️

I paid attention that the people selling and delivering stock were a Joe next door and a stay at home mom who did quality products for the franchise. I understood the direct costs involved in the running of a coffee shop and was able to interpret profit margins – using the textbook knowledge I was getting at Wits Tech

Suddenly our inventory was moving fast and we didn’t have left over stock to take home with no more … our tips box was amazing and none of us ever used our wages for transportation…. the energy in the shop changed . It’s like we were all placed within our strength and we all loved it and we worked well


I was never a permanent member of the team because I could only manage a limited number of shifts. My full time priority was always my academic commitment. But because of this work ethic , I suddenly was given a key to open the shop on the days of my shift ( if you own anything you’d understand how much of a trust issue this is). When my boss had lazy days ( meaning when he didn’t show up an hour before closing ) I knew I can cash up and lock everything up in the safe and his job would be to do cross checks and balances

My shift supervisor suddenly started calling me to offer me more shifts. I worked at Rosebank Mall and never begged for a shift in my entire stay at that shop


So what was I going to miss that I would have taken for granted ……




These are simple things in life for me. So as a result I made sure that I carried these traits with me in all my future positions. I kept people at the center of my job , both my colleagues and customers alike. I used my influence ( even when I wasn’t a manager ) to inspire people for the greater good for ourselves and the organization. I engaged in intentional conversations with my teams and supervisors alike.

These three things were strengthened out of fear of getting bored in my professional career and the fear of missing selling coffee and bagels


This Rosebank experience made me understand that as a people we thrive when we are placed in the right positions that complement our personalities. That’s a gift never to be taken for granted

It also taught me that my work ethic make people want me in their team because I add value ….. I just get things done … finish and klaar

I also benefited from the relationship with the manager at this shop because I recommended many more people who started their jobs there. So sometimes it’s not that people hate you and your friends or family , perhaps they just don’t like your work ethic 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️in my case my work ethic worked for me

So I literally applied what Shayna taught me and what I observed from Debbie and the fear of not knowing what I was going to miss. I yielded a good return


The gentleman was right …. the stresses of corporate life can have you wondering and asking and praying. And yes there are days when you don’t know whether you going or coming …..

But these three things have kept my feet on a solid ground …. they made me know what’s in it for me …. people are in it for me

In life … you will have everything that you asked for , wished for and prayed for …. the question will remain … then what ???? I think there is a direct correlation to the matters above to purpose

So What’s in it for you ???

Could I stay and be a barista for ever – the answer is absolutely yes !!! And can I stay in my current role forever , it’s a yes again , why ? I get to use my gifts to have conversations that influence people to become the best that they can be . I am finally connecting the dots …. my job must improve lives and must make people feel seen …. and must yield a positive return at the end of it all

Short sweet simple

As long as these three things remain …. ngi grand

Tame 🙏

Letting go of a job to focus on studies

Smoke break reflections are good for the soul I tell you !!!!

So back to my coffee shop stories …… today I just want to say my gratitude for the connections I made through the coffee shop ….

Firstly the SCO ….. because through it I met Vulindlela my shayna who gave me a job at the coffees shop ……………………………………

Through the coffee shop I interacted with Francois a qualified CA((SA) and an executive at Alexander Forbes. I told him about my career aspirations of becoming a proffessional accountant. Francois offered me a training contract in one of his private companies down in Marshall Town. I left the coffee shop and I worked for Habitat for Humanity , an organization founded by Jimmy Carter , the former president of the USA. Francois took me with when he went to do spot checks for high stock levels in one of the largest steel companies in SA. This was 2002 and I was only 19 years old … wooow I just was blown away

Few months in I realized that I shouldn’t rush myself to get a job , I was missing my campus life and I just had this strong conviction that I will be okay when I graduate. Plus balancing the class movements and work was overwhelming for me.

I was a second year student and felt this is absolutely unnecessary

I could hear very clearly the voice of the Lord telling me to understand my time and that time was for my studies and growth in student leadership. And that influenced my next step ….

So I did the next best thing …. spoke with Francois and told him about a dear sister in Christ who had graduated but was unemployed and I explained to him that I have huge opportunity to learn in student leadership and that’s where I wanted to put my focus for now . My dear sister took the job and stayed there for years !

I forfeited the monthly R2400 salary and I missed standing by the campus atm from 23:45 before pay day just to withdraw cash and go enjoy the vending machine ….. I also could no longer afford a plate yadi ribs every Thursday Eish Eish Eish monate oo gone

But what I was learning at school and my 3-5 days shift at a coffee at R10 per hour were worth far more than that


I went back to be a casual worker at a coffee shop whilst also focusing on my studies.


Fast forward ….. There was a time in my life when I was retrenched and three months pregnant with our first daughter and had no idea how we were going to make ends meet

That lady who had taken that job in 2002 , remembered me in 2013 ….. 11 years later . My last working day in Morning-side was June 2013 and on 22 July 2013 I started a job and I stayed there for almost six years

I found favor in her eyes and she has been to date , a gift that keeps on giving and for this I am grateful


Morale of the story. It is true that you must help other people , because indeed you might have helped Jesus who will one day come rescue you in times of need ……..

Give ——- always think from a mind of abundance and not limited resources. The first opportunity you get doesn’t mean it the only one coming your way

Get very clear about the time of your life and what you want. Don’t be ambiguous about your goals. When you are clear stick to it !!!!

I also advise students to try understand first things first . If you want to study , focus on that first and the rest will follow. Easier said than done when there’s a high unemployment rate for graduates I know. There’s more than books and academic knowledge to be learned in campus – take advantage of that !!!!

There is time for everything. Stay in the moment. If you are committing to something stick to it and focus on it. Complete what you started and you will grow your discipline muscle

The skills I learned in the coffee shop through speaking with business men , employees , YFM crew who was just down the side from the shop and campus are what’s sustaining my career to today. I saw the founders of of small businesses meeting to brainstorm at the shop and I interacted with the people who ones the stalls in the mall and learned how they made money

I loved serving the Italian ladies who owned a notifiers shop and marveled at the culture and how they dressed , talked and carried themselves

I also read books for FREE!!!! Exclusive Bookshop was our neighbour and we could grab a book read and take it back . My world and perspective opened up in a huge and amazing way !!!!!

Sometimes in life you need perspective and so we must avoid getting to stuff prematurely. Even if yes the money can go a long way to balance you and your family …… it might cost you the first thing you needed and that’s your qualification. Deep end or not …. understand your time and priorities

I still studied and had a bit of cash from the coffee shop to help me afford the basics and that was enough at the time ……

Ungahaji——- first things first

Tame 🙏

I need to smoke some more 😂

Debbie – ownership

Once upon a time I was a barista for Seattle Coffee shop, this was around the time that I was a student at Wits Tech.

Getting this job exposed me to the most amazing people in the world and also amazingly set me up for major success

Today I want to talk about my experience as in-house barista at Alexander Forbes . My dear brother Vulindlela held my hand and said shayna I want you to work with me

He created an opportunity for me to get this job and we worked at Alexander Forbes serving coffee, muffins and bagels 🥯


My brother introduced me to everyone he knew and made sure I understand the C-suite well, mainly because as part of my responsibility I was to deliver coffee every day to the CEO at 7:15 am

There was this executive lady by the name of Debbie. I don’t know what were her responsibilities but shayna told me that she was the decision maker and being in Debbies good books was very important for the employees of Alexander Forbes

Shayna told me to make sure I greet Debbie whenever I see her and present myself to her. Even though I never got to present myself eventually, I observed and interacted with Debbie almost on a daily basis

She would walk through that door daily with her chest out and head held up high. She laughed out loud and made everyone felt seen. During the day she would walk again past the cubicles and observed financial advisers interacting with clients. She would fix the banners standing the switchboard area, she would touch the pot plants to check if everything was in order and remove anything not ideal.


Debbie would interact with the switchboard ladies and coach them here and there. Each time she would approach client sitting by the reception area to find out if they had been assisted.

She made it a point to stand by the large reception and look up the multiples of floors going up high …. I would assume she was checking if all was in order

She wore heels and stalkings on a daily basis. No matter how high the sound of my blender in the coffee shop …. I always could hear the sound of Debbies heels clicking the tiles of the passage as she walked towards the lift up to her office

Shayna always said me “ Shayna I want you to be like Debbie one day”

He propelled me to dream bigger and pointed me to the people that would shape the idea of who I can become


As I put on this dress today , I remembered that I have seen this look before and this is how Debbie looked liked most of her days

So today I want to give gratitude to Shayna for his belief in me and for giving me opportunity to work as a barista at Alexander Forbes . I thank God for Vulindlela Lloyd Ginindza for encouraging me that I have potential to manage people and lead organisations to success

This environment grew my creativity and help me shape the person that I could become

And a big thank you to Debbie , who was a humble Executive and showed me that true leadership includes….


She was an Executive who cared about the organization and not just her profile. She knew she had power , influence and authority and she used that daily for the greater good of the organization


Own your space , take responsibility, be accountable , no matter the size and zeros on your payslip , people come first and ownership of your business environment and people’s well being is critical.

It is a fact that you become who you surround yourself with and it is important to have people who whisper you into greatness that you could become 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 it is equally important to keep in mind the images of people who inspire you and those that you can learn from …..

You do become what you have seen ….. literally five years later , 10th floor Sandton Office Towers , I heard a colleague comment that they can hear the sound of my heel from afar and I knew this …. I have seen that before … Debbie in my mind and I am grateful!!!!

I used to wonder

I used to wonder

With much curiosity

As to why our guest speakers who came to speak during our university mass were so confused

At least to my opinion

Each and every guest that was in the mid thirties mumbled a lot

Some were in transition, some felt stuck to unsatisfying job or marriages . And it always interested me why

Now that I am in my thirties I can finally confirm that thirtees are not a child’s play. The voices in the head do exist

I used to think I needed support when I was younger only to realize that I need more support now as I grow older

Why ?

Life gets really tough when you have tasted the dream. Life is overwhelming once you have seen what your faith is capable of

There’s a lot that has to fall along the way , in order to make it to the promised land

My struggle this year ? Believing that I m truly beautiful and that I am worthy of unconditional love. Especially the love that accepts my newly found body

Suddenly my childhood insecurities showed up. The very place I planned to open to the sun this semester !!!!

Two kids later , I have changed drastically physically …. sadly I feel and see the expectations for me to drastically change to being old me . The thin me who had no kids

This puts such a strain on my mental health. Any suggestions to change of diet or emphasis on the size of my body parts is enough to send me on a path of self hatred … change is overwhelming

I have my dream , my two beautiful girls , but with that comes the burden of the change of body. Sadly in this Instagram world, I feel even more pressure because everyone one there loses their weight the moment they leave the hospital bed

To say that’s unrealistic is an understatement but sadly I am seen as being defensive because so and so has done it

Unfortunately so and so do not have my body type nor do they have my genes and blood type . So to give myself the grace to lead a healthy life and have a positive body image and view of myself is going to take a lot of work

I was wondering how I arrived at feeling so ugly and losing my self esteem

I was just wondering … the truth is I am receiving criticism more than encouragement. I’m not in an environment that applauds childbirth , motherhood and al that it comes with. I’m in an environment that does project one and runs along to project two without even taking a breather

This is not good for me

I also I recalled that it all looks too familiar …. I have observed the ladies who came to visit us . They looked and sounded like me now .Saddened by their own journeys and all the unforeseen events that had occurred in their lives

So here is my prayer today :

I pray for words of encouragement daily to help me see me clearly. I pray for someone to say well done for looking so beautiful even after two kids , two c-sections are not a child’s play … you have done well!! I pray for help for me and my family to accept the transition and to be content with my new abilities but also equally my shortcomings

I pray for help to see myself clearly

I pray for myself to let go of my past body and focus on being present and being healthy

I pray for my self esteem to be restored by what’s not fleeing but to how God desires me to be …. I pray in the Jesus name

I love you ❤️

Brown skin girl

Your skin just like pearls

The best thing in the world

Never trade you for anybody else

I will never trade you to low self esteem

So promise me to see yourself clearly

I will never trade you to loveless relationships

So promise me to fight for what you deserve

I will never trade to venomous words

So promise me to speak up when you hurt

I will never trade you to mediocre

So promise me to stand up and live your dream

I know it will take a while for you to remember

How beautiful you are

I know you expected someone to say it out loud !!!!

So here I go all out for you !!!!

Girl you are beautiful

Girl I love your thighs

Girl I love your smile

Girl I love your button nose

Girl I love your round face

Girl I love your chicks and girl I am in love with your eyes 👀

Girl I love how your small waist carries your curves and your booty I love your height not to tall not too short

You are my perfect fit

Girl you my girl ! I am so in love with you , I’ll tell the world about you !!

I am so in love with you , I miss every moment I’m away from you

Girl you my ride and die

I cut your hair

I cut your hair

I saw your struggle in defining yourself

In a new body acquired after two babies and two c-sections

I saw you let the world tell you , you not enough

I saw your soul crushed deep within yourself

Wondering …. does nobody see that I just had babies ?

Does nobody care for what I just went through ?

I cut your hair

I heard you ask , is it difficult to acknowledge, clap hands , give some praise for the time , effort , the stretching and the pain you went through ?

Nobody cared

Nobody celebrated your strength

Nobody celebrated your courage

Nobody celebrated your tenacity

And so , I cut your hair

You have lost perspective on who you are

The one you depended on has disappointed you and told you , you are not enough

I had to cut your hair

I see you struggle daily as you put on clothes

You second guess yourself a million times

You wonder if it’s the right item on this “not right” body

Struggling to believe that you are beautiful

I should have cut your hair much earlier

I know you are in deep pain

I see your anguish

I have cut your hair to remind you this

When God created you He said “ this is good”

I cut your hair to force you into a reset mode

Irrespective of the people around you

I cut your hair to say to you, you can start again

I cut your hair to tell you, that you are good enough

I know you don’t believe it right now

I know you rely a lot on people’s opinions

And the one you rely on has disappointed you

But I am going to cut your hair until you find it in yourself again !!!

I will , if I must, cut it over and over again

Until you see yourself clearly


When you not his ideal woman

He tells you your thighs are big

And you believed him

He presses them down

To make a point

And emphasis

And you believe him

He takes you for dinner 🥘

You crave for steak 🥩 at a restaurant

He says have a salad 🥗 and you comply

You are not his ideal woman

Yet you hope you will be

He has this idea of how a woman looks like

Yet you believe you shall be one

You lose your power in an effort to please him

And you believe him

You lose your self esteem in an effort to find yourself

And you believe him

I hope you find yourself and believe in yourself

You are beautiful

One day , I hope you believe that

You are enough

Soon day , I hope you understand that

Dear pain – chapter 1

When you know that you know that you know …….

That pain is a critical ingredient of growth . There’s no stretching without pain , there’s no growth without pain . It is impossible to grow without pain …. it’s impossible!!!!!!

When the seed geminates and the soil makes way for the plant to show itself up, it’s not a process without pain ……

So here’s my letter to pain

Dear pain

I welcome you . I realize now that you have been my constant partner since birth. When I was born, I had a choice to stay with the umbilical cord , risk dying or cut the cord and lead a life I was meant to live. Again pain, you were there the moment I was born …….

I realize now that my job is not to pray you away but welcome you and acknowledge you !!

When I asked for growth , I basically asked for you . When I said I know beyond the shadow of doubt , that I was born for greatness, I should have known that you too are an important companion in this process, through and through

I didn’t realize that you are the one to shape and sharpen me . I didn’t realize that you were the dedicated one to help enhance my perspective on self , on love , on family and on ME

I know now that in my moments of triumph you will be there , I will see you even in my joyous moments . I will see you on the other side of my smile and I will see you till the day I die ….

Your intention is not to kill me …. I am very clear about that

And today I change my perspective….. I will no longer be intimidated by your presence in my life. I will rejoice even when I see you lingering around , I will not chase you away but I will embrace you and still lead the life that God meant for me

My soul has just opened up!!!!!!

Pick up

I am trying to remember to make an effort to pick up my mood and energy

I chose flowers 🌺… and I managed to get some today

I was just lazy to remove the elastic band 😋