Lesson #9 – Part 3

Cultivating calm and stillness – letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle

Dr Brene Brown has identified her own digging deep tools to which I aspire towards , that is calmness tools like meditation, stillness and reducing caffeine

So where am I in my life right now with regards to anxiety .???? I am in midlife and here is what I am identifying with –

It feels like the same experience Jesus had when going into Getsemane. A moment where he took his best three only to realize that the experience was for him and him alone

How do I relate ?

Mid life right now is about learning that I am on my own . In a very healthy way. That at the end of it all , no one else has my fingerprint on this earth so I got to go at it alone . Getsemane is the last stretch before the cross and the resurrection and so is midlife

An inspiring quote came to me today and it says , we imitate until we can innovate. And I feel like I have been in this cloud of protection and imitating for a better part of my life. It feels like innovation is setting in and that is who and how it was meant to me

It makes sense that Israel spent 40 years in the wilderness…. after the wilderness and midlife , one enters into sense of themselves and true identity. If I had a word for age 40 – I’d say it should feel like Canaan

It took Moses years before he could go to the land that the Lord has set before him . … before he could break away …So learning to grow up on its own is a lot of pressure . The wilderness , my upbringing has shaped the person I am today and has also given birth to dreams of the person I am meant to be but it has also given me thorns . Thorns that can hurt or grow me and thorns can cause stress

In fact T.D. Jakes says

Life = pressure

Love = pressure

Age = pressure

Midlife = pressure

Pressure to break away from who I used to be and to allow who I am meant to be

So how does all this relate to anxiety?

Jesus Christ was under so much stress at Getsemane that he sweat blood. Dr Phillips says that it has been proven that stress can cause sweat to become blood. This again gives me comfort that I can identify with Jesus and He identifies with me and my life’s experiences and what I go through

I am learning to let go of how things are supposed to be. The ideas about how the wilderness informed the promised the land

⁃ How life and career is “ supposed “ to be

⁃ How marriage is supposed to be

⁃ How raising kids is supposed to be

I am learning that God has kept His word all along and that now I have been assured , clearly that He’s got me .

I know that when I am 60 , in a stable and washing my horses , this is the message I’d want to here now in my thirties “ girl, relax , enjoy the ride , you have done well , all that you desire shall come to pass, you know it , so relax, enjoy your marriage and enjoy raising your babies” You got this

So I feel Jesus had a moment of loneliness in Getsemane because his disciples fell asleep. I have always heard preachers say they were not supposed to sleep but I beg to differ. In life there are experiences that even your best friend , your kids nor your husband cannot go through with you . They can stand by and root for you or sometimes they can fall asleep while you sweating blood and it’s okay. But that loneliness can be very scary I don’t prefer it …. I understand why Jesus said …. if it were me I’d say let it pass

So there’s an element of loneliness in this midlife experience . I can see clearly that I’m going for pressing . Pastor T.D. Jakes says Getsemane is a place of pressing olives , when an olive has been pressed , it produces oil

The outcome of Getsemane is always glorious but the process of Getsemane leaves much to be desired

I am inspired by a deep sense of self awareness and honesty. This helps keep me calm and know that this too shall pass

I am inspired by an amazing support structure in my family. On 31 January we had a 10cm mass which required a CT scan then biopsy etc. for my mom and the entire process made me realize that I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. I was at the same time starting at a new employer and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t okay handling both at the same time. I asked for help and my family showed up. They were able to give me relief and take my mom to be with them and I was able to find some structure between the job and moms wellbeing. I also went straight to the doctor and he gave something to help calm me down.

I learned this year in that moment that I am afraid of death and being called an orphan if anything were to happen to my mom. So I faced death in the face and I said , even if God doesn’t come to save her , I will be fine . I am just glad I still have my mom , in a healthy state of being . This uncertainty about her life has humbled me dearly .

A twenty minutes exercise gives me a good sense of calm and gardening helps burn some energy and allows for clear energy to flow in. Blogging and writing about how I feel has by far been the best therapy and for this I am grateful 🙏

I aspire to get to a point of stillness and that is something I must still acquire. By Dr Brenes definition , I am an overfunctioner but I know I will get there … soon

I will be okay 🙏

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