I am trusting that with my growth comes maturity. I had to dig deep into my self worth this week and took a bold decision to put this on our office wall. Be here, be you , belong . It does not matter the audit outcome , you are good enough.
This writing on the wall is something I was inspired to place. I was trusting that my team is encouraged to know that our office space is a safe environment to be yourself and be truly seen. Secondly , in an environment where we are responsible for financial reporting and are measured based on an audit outcome , it is critical to own our skills , resources and self worth regardless of the audit outcome. Especially when the factors determining this outcome have become something beyond our control
I never thought I would ever think this way in my career life but I have come to realize that I ought to speak truth to BS. When I got to a point that I couldn’t answer the questions truthfully from my team , I woke up to the realization that beating about the bush on something so obvious doesn’t help. So I stopped being naive and spoke the truth
When the audit is done and no matter the opinion I know this for sure that we will rise . Because we have not placed our self worth on this opinion and are able to self correct and and focus ourselves and effort on a goal much higher than the audit opinion . Don’t hear me wrong , the opinion matters but at this point and time in our office , we have to trust ourselves first before we can put our self worth on another person or organization.
And looking back at my career in public service , I wish I knew this sooner . I have wasted a lot of time trying to prove myself and have failed dismally , over and over again. Knowing this has given me my power back
So I trust and pray for more courageous leadership and finding my self worth in something bigger and more than an audit opinion
I am grateful for long lasting friendships. Meeting with my friends and sisters in Christ for a birthday lunch was the highlight of my week. These are ladies I have known for over 15 years and I just have so much gratitude for their presence in my life. I have always had the fear about losing friends and I am grateful that I have learned that friendships are built , just like any good lasting quality anything. Losing friends at this stage is more of an informed decision rather than a shock to my system
Friendships require trust , patience and lots of forgiveness. One of my biggest lesson on friendships to date has been growing together , loving and supporting one another even when you have a difference in opinion or status quo changes on matters or issues that you thought you both believed in . To also be friends regardless of the path you each chose in life
In short , I have learned that my friends will never love me more than I can love myself. I also see daily that even with areas where I feel insecure , it’s not their job to boost my ego and self esteem about my achievements or lack thereof . How I feel about myself and how I show up to my friends is my absolute responsibility.
As I grow in friendship I am learning to give myself permission that I belong here , and my belonging is not subject to my performance or the lack thereof. I am further learning to look at these voices and giving them less and no power over me and teaching others to do the same:
- My belonging is not based on the a academic qualification I hold
- It is not the size of the house nor the surbub I live in
- It is not the job I hold nor the number of zeros I make
- The pains of life are not as a result of my sins
- In other words there is nothing I could have done better to prevent the pain and sadness in my life
- Miscarriages are not a result of sins committed to God or Gods punishment of sin
- Divorce is not your fault or an indicator of something doe wrong in the past
- Retrenchments are not a sign of lack of prayer life
- Bearing children with disability is not an indicator that I don’t pray or fast enough
- Staying home to raise my kids is not a sign that I am not ambitious enough
- Giving birth in csection instead of natural birth is not an indicator of lack of exercise
Friendships can be rewarding as much as they can be brutal. We are human beings and all that we desire is to belong . And at times we sacrifice our growth and self discovery at the risk of this belonging. It is much easier to belong when you all singing the same song and showing up for stuff at the same time. It is much difficult to belong when you must be yourself regardless of the tune and the timing of others , this kind of belonging takes a lot of courage
One example is when I was growing up in friendship, I used to assume that in order to be closer with a person I ought to know how they feel or know their troubles or secrets. I have come to admire this , that in fact , my love for each and every one of my friends now is not based on how much I know about their stuff , but I offer to them an unwavering support and unconditional love that is inspired by Christ. I no longer desire to know their daily struggles in order to emphasize or show up for them.
In fact I have learned that knowing anyone’s stuff is such a huge responsibility. I also know now that I must earn the right to hear their stories and the same goes for them
My love and support for them is not based on their response and actions towards me. But it based on my commitments to see the friendship through .
I am only arriving at this level of maturity because I am learning that I first must belong to myself and only then can I truly show up
So I count myself blessed to have had sisters to pray with , laugh with and shed a tear with over my life. I pray to God to be more intentional in each season to grow and learn more about one another and be there for one another !!!
I am inspired by technology and access to tools and resources that enable me to invest in myself. I subscribed to Woman Evolve and it has been such a pleasure to watch some life changing experiences in this app by Sara Jakes Roberts. I am also inspired by @foodies of sa , an online site offering divine South African dishes that are so simple and easy to make . I tried two of dishes this week and my family is so impressed 😆
We have a 🔥/ Boma in our house that we fire up when we have visitors. I decided to give myself a treat this week and I am forever grateful. Preparing the fire with my girls was such a pleasure and finally lying on the sofa with the whole family , listening to music and gazing at the moon and the stars was a bliss.
This was fun and I cannot remember the last time I had such peace of mind and pure joy in my life. It definitely surpassed my own understanding