Lesson 3: Open Heart

Dear God , I am open to the bigger dream that which you have for me …

Being flexible with my goals remains a constant journey of self-reflection and I am certain that my success or failures are directly linked to how flexible I will be from henceforth.

I must confess, flexibility is not one of my biggest strength, especially when it comes to my personal life.

I am dashboard, vision board, and post and pictures on the wall kind of a girl. I find satisfaction in drafting a clear path on how to achieve that which is written on the board. I am exceptionally good with setting up a “what if scenario “and creating preventive measures on how to overcome any unforeseen occurrences along the way. I am a process flow person, detection and controls type of a person. And so being aware that my ability to flex my options could ultimately make or break me, is an awakening all by itself. I also run two parallel systems in my life, I am very flexible, innovative and game changer in my work life, yet I desire full certainty and take less risks in my private life. A dichotomy that helps me balance myself and find a soft cushy soft spot for myself. … and I must admit, it’s not always the best and I must acquire new skills set to live in this planet earth. A character I have found consistent in many people whom I have labeled as external serving souls, basically people who are called to serve others, pastors and motivational speakers fall into this category for me.

So I have been reading a book recently and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone discussing about life and goals so clearly until I read and watched Ms. Michelle Obama book interviews Becoming. In her interview with Oprah she refers to the question asked so often to most kids, which is “what do you want to be when you grow up”… I remember in Standard 9 (grade 11) being asked this question and I don’t remember what my response was

Ms. Michelle Obama says this question gives an impression that “Growing up is finite. As if you become something and that is all there is,” she continues to say about herself “But the truth is, for me, each decade has offered something amazing that I would never have imagined. And if I had stopped looking, I would have missed out on so much. So I’m still becoming, and this is the story of my journey. Hopefully, it will spark conversations, especially among young people, about their journeys.” Ms Michelle Obama

Coming back to my own reflection. I realise now that becoming a CA SA was just a mode of transportation that I desired to reach my destination. However I reached my destination without it but failed to realise that. As such, I failed to maximise the destination with all that it has to offer, because I was so fixated on the mode of transportation and many other factors I deemed as not being ideal.

So now that I have turned my mind from this perception, I find myself being aware of how much has been graciously given unto me. So now I no longer feel insecure (should not) in my skills set, even on the days when I do, it is much easier now to encourage myself whilst I pursue other professional qualifications.

Finally, I can never judge Jonah for going to Tarshish. You see Tarshish is a predictable place, Jonah 1: 3

– Going down to the Port of Joppa – this is something he knew , he could see , feel and touch and predict the destination

– He found a ship leaving – there is no uncertainty about this – it’s a moving ship, Jonah had probably been on this ship many times – tried and tested – how many of us love ideas and things that have been tried and tested?

– He bought a ticket and went on board – he could control the cost of this journey, the price to pay , well calculated to his destination – Lord have mercy , I basically consider it being so irresponsible not to know these things upfront, wrong again, isn’t funny how life doesn’t work like this? You have got to be willing to step on the red sea with the hope that when your foot touches the tip of the water, dry land will be provided

– Hoping to escape from the Lord by sailing to Tarshish

The day I realised how much this part of my journey was like that of Jonah , that’s the day I accepted that being called to an unknown, sometimes a path where you have to set a trend is very scary. A path where you have to be the voice in the wilderness, stand out and shout, it is not always a very encouraging place to be. So I would rather bite my teeth in a ship, sleep through in a raging storm, sit in the fish belly for nights, but I will dare not walk into the unknown.

Being called to take the journey but in a completely different approach is scary

I also realised how much having control over my destiny was my obsession. It’s easier to manoeuvre life with predictability, knowing upfront the price to pay and having some degree of certainty about the future. It certainly would have been great getting those grades, that degree completing those articles and vouula!!!! But I also wonder, how much of this would have made me a self – righteous over achiever, self – reliant God loving fearing powerful woman who thinks she made it all by herself?

I truly wonder

So in hindsight, I appreciate that things have turned out the way they have. I am grateful, not only am I uncertain about my future, I am now more reliant on the one who created and holds the future and that sounds much better than anything I could ever ask for in the world. It served me not to get my degree and failing over and over the past 13 years. It has been for my good to fail over and over the attempted CIMA qualifications. It truly has stretched my understanding and has deeply humbled me because I can never judge all the hard working striving children of God who fail and fail but keep trying over and over again.

Being flexible for me now, means trusting God that He will complete that which He has started and I know He always does !!

Dear God,

Not my will but your will be done, in Jesus name we pray, amen

Signed,

Open Heart

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