Living with grief

“intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death”

I am living with grief

I didn’t realize until I had to make that call, it all seemed so deja vu…. I remembered how I felt many years ago and I knew this time I have to do the work

April 2008, I was working in Sandton office towers. My brother Sibusiso called to let me know he wasn’t feeling well. I arranged to come see him over the weekend. I don’t recall how I was suppose to confirm whether or not I would make it

Nonetheless I ended up not making the trip after an attempted effort to try find him. I didn’t think much of his illness and I assumed he went to work , seeing that he used to work on weekends also. He worked as a security in one of the popular companies 

I spent most of my time helping a friend move into his new house… the next time I’d hear from him would be the Monday afternoon. I was still at work and my phone rang, a young boy said, Sibusiso says you must come fetch him, he’s sick , he cannot walk nor talk 

My heart raced , I immediately called my brother SJ and the rest of my siblings. 2008 was the early years of my career. I had no car and traveling to lenasia area would have been daunting after five pm 

And so I relied on my siblings to get through to him

They came with him and he was admitted at the hospital in Attredgeville

I would later take a taxi to go see him. His condition didn’t look bad but his stomach was sweating, swelling and he had sores in his mouth 

The next time I wanted to go see him was a Friday, his fifth day in the hospital. Unfortunately I arrived after the visiting hours were finished and I couldn’t see him

I was saddened 

That same evening after 9pm we received a call to say he had passed away ☹️

There are no words to describe how I felt and what I went through that night 

I went bed and cried the whole night , with my mom crying with me, the entire night 

This was our first loss and the sting of death felt like a lifetime 

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