I am a great fan of Ms O and Brene Brown. I have watched this you tube video over and over again. This has done great ministry to me.
Disclaimer: the intention is to use the questions asked to investigate and understand myself better, it is no way intended for any other purpose.
Being WILLING to express the truth of who you are, the feeling at ANY given point
Being ABLE to open up your soul and let it flow so that other people can see their soul in yours
I have learned that in my life the willingness of this truth and ability to open up my soul is easy on the light issues of life. This gets more tested in the hard conversations. I can safely say I am still a student. I realised this quite early in my life, speaking is my gift and ministry but it does not mean I am great communicator, communication requires being vulnerable J
One area of my life that feels vulnerable to me
Criticism about my clothes and coordination touches me on my studio. At the moment I attribute this to not having as many clothes when I was young, I don’t know really. But matching and mixing and being criticised for not meeting a certain expectation really affects my self-esteem. People say I dressed well, but I think it was because I was thin and anything looked good, however circumstance changed, I have two kids and my body is not the same anymore.
So I do see myself having a permanent image consultant, stylist etc.
Stories I tell myself about myself
I could still be stuck at the Nomusa of 2001 – 2011, the 1st female chairperson of one of the largest student organisation. Being a Financial Manager at 26
Good stories, but they have potential of limiting me on inventing the mother, wife and game changer…I am 34, so I must create a new chapter, turn the page
My struggles to be brave, what people don’t know about me
I hate confrontation and I easily shutdown
As a result I struggle to say how I feel, when I feel it, especially that feeling when I am not happy, which results in silence
Silence does not mean I am peaceful because I could be at war within
I am trying to have the difficult conversations, in all areas of my life, hence I started to write!!
If you are brave enough, you are going to fall, where have I fallen?
I have a few moments of falling
After my best friend told me she had separated from her husband, I was shocked. I took the phone and arranged to meet the ex, he had once confided in me and I did not share that with my friend. Big mistake. I never again allowed the conversations to continue. But upon separation, I felt the marriage could still be saved. Second big mistake. Meeting did not happen, I left a scar in our friendship. Now I know better, to stand in the gap for anyone going through this, it was not my place to do that and I will never do it again. Unconditional support
I told my best friend that her husband is cheating. My friend ended our relationship. It shocked me. I will never do it again
Difficulty to accept my cousin’s pregnancy and feeling the overwhelming burden to care. This taught me I had personalised the responsibility and I need to let go. Thank God she had her baby and all is well, not perfect and it is ok. This was my biggest fall
All three represent things that I couldn’t have known and I am glad I know better now, I forgive me
I know the feeling of shame, when on numerous occasions I have felt like I cannot get my work done for many various reasons. Having succeeded to achieve unqualified audit opinion them moved to qualified x 2 even though I was ready and told everybody 2 years ago, the perception of others of that shamed me.
Coming from a life of excellence, where everything I touched obeyed and turned into gold, where everyone affirmed me, then to be here where I felt like I am swimming against the tide daily, shamed me
I knew something was wrong when a clerk took my parking lot without asking and I was left stranded to figure out one and I still went to her and say it’s okay, she didn’t come to me, I went to her and to say it’s okay …. I knew something was wrong and needed to change
Shame has two tapes, never good enough or who do you think you are?
Mine is never good enough
I have 8 years in the private sector and 3 years in semi-public entity. Here I am told I am too good for here, so I am not good enough for here. The agents are telling me I am tainted by the public sector image, so I am not good enough
My next chapter is to prove to myself that I am good enough, that’s why I am doing this work on myself
The message on my t-shirt says
WORK IN PROGRESS!
The soundtrack of my life is
Stand – after you’ve done all you can by Donnie Mc Clurkin
Favourite room in my house
Best thing about my age
Understanding the power of IMPACT and FEAR
Impact because I see how my life impacts my children. The power of influencing two individuals to be the best that they can be, this humbles and amazes me
The realisation of the fact that my approach to my fears determines the degree of impact I will have life. If I choose to remain in fear, I am basically choosing discontent, if I choose bravery, happiness, freedom, fulfilment and meaningful life
How do you open myself for meaningful feedback?
I am still working on this for the new chapter of my life; however I have a few core that is able to move me to heights that are only known by my soul
Concluding with Ms Oprah’s words
I ought to work on being full, enough to share with everyone else
You cannot lead a brave life without disappointing people. The people who really care about you, the people who are rooting for you, will not be disappointed
I am on my way to bravery!!