I am not my tears

I am not my tears

When in trouble and challenged immensely at work , I don’t respond in tears. I do not look down on women who express themselves in this manner. In fact I have learned the power of validating the tears and let the women on my team be.

This didn’t come naturally and I’m grateful to my male colleague who showed me the power of this. In one of our meetings a colleague was feeling overwhelmed by the work and expectations from their duties. Tears were rolling down whilst we continued with the discussion. He took time and pointed this out saying it cannot be business as usual when our colleague is sitting there crying in our presence.

We paused , validated her and a instant miracle happend. She looked lighter and am sure I saw a smile on her face

This has made to say If any women in my team is feeling the pressure , letting it out around everyone is good thing and then I immediately give them the platform to say how they feel, usually a breakthrough happens. I believe that instead of looking at tears as a sign of weakness , we must change that and allow each and every emotion to be rightfully expressed. Especially if the cause is a work related one. I do believe that if a woman is crying about something either than work related they would excuse themselves in the meeting and deal with the matter

So have I cried at work?

The answer is yes!!

I cried in 2017, I don’t know if I have ever cried before this, my natural instinct is to say no but I can be wrong. I had implemented a training plan for my team after the responsible owner couldn’t implement due to limited human resource. Once done I wasn’t given the benefit of the doubt to say why i went ahead, instead I was told what could have gone wrong , basically I was told I shouldn’t have done it. Regardless of the fact that all relevant authorities and process was followed including that of this unit. The issue was that I shouldn’t have initiated it , they should have.

I followed every rule in the book yet no one bothered to verify prior to being called in for questioning. This disappointed me immensely and after explaining my intentions , I felt this huge burning in my eyes and tears rolled down. My expression was I AM TIREd 

Tired of the place where no one gives me a benefit of the doubt

Tired of everyone being viewed with suspicion. Tired that no mater how great my intentions are , nobody will give me the benefit of the doubt

Tired to the fact that I had to plan and initiate training , tired to the fact that the next time I say people have limited skills, the question will be what did you do to train them, I must account but I cannot implement because of people’s attitudes

Tired of the fear of auditors over the fear of growing and building the entity and challenging the status quo

Tired of the fear of who will answer to this and that committee

Tired to the what if , will you answer, I won’t account, 🙃🙃🙃

So I cried

The encounter ended , I walked out and later on told my sister about my disappointed expression. It was for the first time I had such a feeling. 

My wonderful sister recommended that I just say I cried because my cat died hence I was sad….. I never had the courage to correct that and I just continued with my life

I couldn’t believe it when the same team reported A for achieved on the training plan in their quarter report , with my only initiative as evidence 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️kanti abantu banjani 

I am not my tears 

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