Day -2 – Lockdown South Africa

I have been trying to put words together to try and define the feeling in the air. My feelings for today.

Going through the COVID-19 experience feels like death or loss . There is so much grief from loss and there is a lot that I am grieving for today.

My husband and I were talking about this the other day and he said to me “ you know , it is very interesting how I am a home buddy , but knowing that I have to be home for 21 days, as a rule is not exciting “ and I thought to myself mmhhhnn , I know exactly why this is the case and I can sure relate .

I remembered words once said by Oprah “ our greatest desire/ seek is freedom “ from the book , Wisdom of Sunday’s.

As humans we want to know that we are free to choose what we eat , who to marry , where to go and what time we want to be there . The experience that comes with COVID-19 has taken that away from us . We have lost our freedom of choice and that is a scary idea . A mere inhaling of oxygen next to someone with a disease can potentially make you ill and in some instance it means death itself .

Going to a grocery store during this time , is no longer a choice between essentials and luxury, nope, right now you buy the essentials and you get the hell out of there , you stand in the queue hoping nobody sneezes on you and that no one dares to touch you . You don’t feel the freedom of choice as you used to ! ! It’s all gone !!!

This is very scary and to think that this is our current reality , it is unbelievable! !!! This is not something we go around preparing for , even my own mother who is in her 70’s says she has never seen anything like this. She has heard of a flue back in the days but never personally got to experience a lock down . This is very foreign to me and everyone around me.

Rules and restrictions can quickly take the joy out of something that you love with all of your heart, even if that thing is simply staying at home . The peace of mind that comes with being home because of your choice , feels like it has now being taken away, gone, because of COVID-19 and that’s where the anxiety begins.

To make matters worse, we don’t know when that freedom of choice will be restored back to us , theres is also a real threat that even when it is restored , we might not be truly free .

There is this fear within me , that the extent of the loss will make us to be filled with extreme paranoia and that we will just become a generation of elders who are extremely fearful and anxious.

I pray to God that doesn’t happen to us.

Deja vu

In my effort to try pin point this feeling . I took a journey down memory lane and I went back to April 2008 , the day I heard the news that my brother Sibusiso was hospitalized. He had sent a young man to let me know that he couldn’t speak and needed medical attention urgently. It was a warm normal Monday for me , yet that evening when I got on my knees to pray, I just sobbed , I closed my eyes for a moment and saw a funeral procession , with my brother in the coffin . I was confused , I felt helpless and I didn’t know whether to cast the death demon out or to surrender .

The very next day , I was on the phone calling insurance to check on my financial standings. I didn’t know that the moment on my knees was a “ for your information “ moment and not a “ fighting “ moment . Nonetheless I was left confused , destitute . This was my first experience with loss and not just any other loss, this was my partner in everything .

Just 9 months older than me, my brother was my companion. We dreamt together and I never in a lifetime thought I would loose him in such a short notice.

Less than two years later my dad fell from a tractor , I didn’t know that I was grieving my brother but I realized that because he was the first person to die in my family , I lived in fear of who was next . My dads illness made me take tough decisions , filled with fear and anxiety from the experience I had with my brother.

Basically , I lost my why . Why am I doing what I am doing daily . Why am I earning six figures if my brother is dead and my dad may just die. My family was the drive behind everything I did and for the first time in my life , I got a wake up call like no other and I was in a deep thick fog 🌫 . The experience of losing someone and the fear of another loss and not knowing how to do life with this reality was a huge challenge for me

Back to today’s feeling

I have had so many rugs pulled under my feet ever since that experience , after my brother died, my dad also died and I was 3 months pregnant with our first daughter , less than twenty four months afterwards, my other brother died , again I was pregnant with our second daughter and shortly thereafter my uncle died.

I cannot begin to explain what loss , anxiety and pain does to the human soul but what I know for sure is this , there is a powerful reason why someone wrote that Serenity prayer 🙏🏾

This is why I am convinced that in times like this , this prayer is the most relevant to our lives. Here it goes :

Dear Lord

Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

There is a lot of wisdom in this prayer and I have personally learned through pain and life experience that it is best to welcome whatever experience that comes your way, especially where you have limited control over it, once accepted , TRUST that God , has your best interest at heart . Painful as it may be.

It is not easy

That same fear , that pain , that grief from the loss of the freedom , the loss of a loved one is what’s feeling my air today.

The loss of potential income as companies cannot afford to sustain jobs anymore . Opens room for never ending uncertainty. Many of us are defined by what we do for a living and rightfully so. But for over a year now , I have been reading a book by Michael Singer“ The untethered soul” it helped me redefine my identity versus my job. It is a great self help book and I recommend it.

So today , I would like to encourage you through the helplessness . I would like for you to know that what we are going through , has been allowed and permitted and we shall overcome .

Every year I receive a message for what the year stands for , 2020 is the year of liquidation and it has been permitted . I will expand more on this in my next post.

Our job is to surrender and not to fight and resist.

God is in control.

My wins for the day

I recorded some great wins for myself today !!!

• I cleaned the house very well and opened my lavender air sprays . Cleaning and house chores energizes me , the house smells great 😃

• My kids were outdoor for the most part of the day – I can’t believe how responsible and well behaved this six and four year old are – it’s amazing – they listen – they do their work – they fix their beds and they swept their own room and finished their food – wooow

• I picked up some flowers from the garden 🌸 and decorated my table – simple yet refreshing

• And I got to cook samp and chicken stew – using this moment to show up and serve the people closest to me is the best medicine in the world . I picked up parsley and onion to garnishee from my garden – living the life I tell you 😝

• Prior to the lockdown I recognized some opportunities to blow my kids mind away and so I got jelly and custard – believe me when I say , everyday I hear “ you are the best mommy in the whole wide world “ this is the reason I love being mommy😊😊

• I watched no news today 👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾👊🏾 none – try this too if you are reading this – it is a very good strategy to help myself not be overwhelmed by everything that is going on

• I watched a few episodes of Designated Survivor- omg this series is one of my favorite!!! We started it from scratch – second round 😆

Places and people I go to for inspiration

Social media can be overwhelming so I choose very responsibly who I choose to follow. I stick to the rule that I don’t touch my phone for at least an hour after waking up and that always works for me.

I follow people who I believe their energy is aligned to my values , what I believe in and have a good debate and challenge my comfort zone.

Here are a few people I think you can consider to follow up and check what they are posting daily :

Iman Rapetti- a phenomenal South African woman and she is letting us into her home with a YouTube channel named , Iman Is Home . A candid experience of a what typical southern African family is going through during this time . With three generations in the discussions , it’s fun , insightful and emotional yet so beautifully done ✅ !!!!

Bongi n Collin- this one is a must do okay – this amazing Christian couple take us through the golden times. They are beautiful and melodically gifted and play all the jams live from the comfort of their home . I feel goosebumps every time I join them on Facebook Live. This a good time to distress- every evening

Zibu Sibiya- I follow her for her insights. She is very much thought provoking and I just love her out of the box thinking . She challenges the social activist in me and basically kicks my ignorance out of the window . She is fantastic!

Dr Brene Brown- she is my go to person and I listen to her podcast . She is in her second or third podcast now . Something new and very vulnerable. You literally feel like she’s your sister or aunt that’s known you since the beginning of time. A qualified Psycologist

Oprah – all her products speak to my soul. Super Soul Sunday goes live and tomorrow Alicia Keys will be live . This is my therapy space – again this is once a week and can always catch up on their episodes if I missed the live sessions

Sarah Jakes – I go to Los Angels live very Friday morning – been doing so for a year now and my life has never been the same . I feed here spiritually

The Red Table Talk – I believe that Jada is a gift for people like me and I tune in , again once a week , religiously so . She covers all type of topics and she is very current and brave. I love the fact that she has three generations of women and there is so much insight and lessons to be learned.

Word of encouragement

“You are not alone , you are not lonely , you are in solitude “ Jay Shetty

Be blessed


Day 1- Lockdown South Africa – COVID-19

So the lockdown is on and unfortunately today we heard the reports that we have lost 2 people and we have over 1000 infections.

Like many other South Africans this new normal presents serious challenges for our country but moreover there are enormous amounts of opportunities. I am very proud on how we are handling the challenges thus far , many of my friends and family members are adhering to the strict social distancing requirements gazetted by the government. I also have a sister who works in a laboratory and is in charge of the production of essential pharmaceutical products, a brother in government communication, a brother in the provision of energy , a much needed commodity in our daily lives , a brother in retail for those continued food supplies and two friends in the mining sector.

I am very proud to know people who are so selfless and give of their time and are committed to their jobs amidst the anxiety and fear caused by this disease. I think one of the biggest challenge about COVID-19 are the daily ever changing details of what this virus is and the uncertainty around our future of doing life as we normally know it .

A call to prayer

Our President has called the entire nation to prayer 🙏🏾. In times like these , we can only look up and ask the Almighty for help, for hope and surrender to what is to come.

I honestly have no idea what the future holds for us as a nation but I have confidence that He who started the good work in us shall see it to its completion.

God is always faithful and whatever lesson He wants us to learn from this , personally I am very open to it and I welcome it .

Afraid at times ? Absolutely, intimidated some days , yes , anxiety ridden some days , off course . But it’s the experiences that have come with growing up that lead me to know with certainty, that WE shall overcome !!!

So at 18:00 everyday , the entire country takes a moment to call upon the Almighty and I promise you , I do feel a little hopeful after every minute I spent in that prayer.

How have I been preparing myself mentally ?

I honestly have been calm in what is obviously a brewing storm that cannot even be measured yet . I attributed this to the fact that I do have a stressful job and with that comes a daily yearning to slow down and spend quality time with my family and this 21 days gives me that absolute opportunity to do just that. As soon I got the news on the lockdown my mind went straight into gratitude mode and I just knew that there is something special for me and my family in all this.

My second reason is I always wanted to be a house wife 😀 and God and life had other plans for me . So a part of me is eternally grateful to be home every single day and I get to lead the ideal life of being mommy and wife , to cook endlessly and just have more eye to eye chats with the little ones and hubby.

The formalities

Like a very well trained soldier I love a formal schedule and I will be developing one for my family in how we will be managing the rest of the days.

The schedule is more for myself because I am very formal and routine orientated and I also believe this is very beneficial for the kids.

My husband and I figured out that the kids are still on school holidays officially and so we are letting them have that break and once that’s done then we will introduce them to the tasks that the school gave us and we will do these on a daily basis.

Our six year old has been spending 30 minutes a day to do her Kumon Mathematics and English lessons as part of her school holiday work and so far it has been going very well.

We just received word from the dance class teacher that they will be conducting lessons online and we are all very much excited about that. This is the one reason I am so thankful for technology because whilst the world has stopped , there is still some sense of continuity.

What am I grateful and excited for

I am grateful for time to be with my family for the next 21 days , I already learned something about my girls last night that I know for sure I wouldn’t have been able to know this soon under normal circumstances.

Even though my husband and I are working on a daily basis. I am grateful that we get to do so in the comfort of our home and a wonderful space that we have created for ourselves.

I am very excited for the ample time I will get to spend gardening, I got a few bags of potting soil and succulents for this purpose !

I will be trying a few recipes in the kitchen , the go to chef for that is FoodiesSA and they will be my companion for the next coming days . I honestly can’t wait 😊

An unrushed time to reflect . I mean honestly there’s just no greater opportunity to write more on my blog and share my thoughts with the world. I would love to take this opportunity to give of myself to friends and family through a daily prayer 🙏🏾. I believe this will go a long way to support those in need of uplifting and hope during this time. So everyday in the morning I will send a prayer though Facebook and Instagram to let us know that we shall overcome

I have this idea that I am going to grow and discover myself , my marriage and my family even more . There is that feeling of peace and a good feeling about the person I would have become on the other side of this lockdown and this feeling makes me happy 😊

My husband and I have never been home together for 21 consecutive days since we met ten years ago . This is a big deal for us because we have spent almost all weekends together for the past ten years . So this is a time to discover more about each other and what it means to us being there for each other during a time of uncertainty. The thought brings security and peace to my mind.

The amount of creativity around the world , the vulnerability that we are seeing from leaders across the globe . All of it let’s me know that something good is going to come out of this. I love seeing posts from America to Italy and Cape Town people and mostly total strangers showing up for each other . From music , family gatherings to funny memes , seeing this , a world united in song, in grief and hope is something that I am very grateful to living to see in my time on this earth.

A word of encouragement

I take my que from Dr Evans who posted something profound about choosing what to frame from this experience . She referred to a trip she took with her family to Disneyland and just before it ended things went south ending up with a child in hospital . She noted that on their return from the trip , she printed and framed the pictures showing the good stuff, not to say that the bad stuff didn’t happen but she chose to focus on the great memories

When I watched this video I knew that this is was exactly how I felt . I made a decision from the beginning to say I am going frame the good stuff from this experience and I just had this certainty about it.

I will not deny the sadnesses, anxiet and uncertainty but when it all ends this is how I want to frame this experience and the opportunity it presents:

⁃ The growth that will come with all of this

⁃ The appreciation of time with family

⁃ The ultimate surrender to Gods will

⁃ The letting go of material stuff that lingers around to define me

⁃ I will celebrate a new me

⁃ I will celebrate an improved quality relationship with my husband and kids

⁃ A better perspective of what work means to me and for me

⁃ A creative mind and way on how to get by with little

⁃ An appreciation of a united world

⁃ Being fully present

⁃ Seeing plants grow daily

⁃ Cooking galore of my favorite and new recipes

⁃ Playtime with the kids 😃😃😃

⁃ I might actually find a business idea and make good money and be a housewife

⁃ The possibilities are endless

So I pray that wherever you are reading this today , you can choose to frame the good stuff from this experience we are having today .

Much love


No matter what ! 28 Days Program

I love SELF – DEVELOPMENT and my most recent investment has been with Lisa Nichols. I am doing her No Matter What 28 days program and I am so glad it was brought to my attention.

Now I have not been a great fan of formal programs in the past and I didn’t know why. But I got to a point where I became desperate to turn my mind , my mental state and my energy around . I further realized that I have been doing programs all my life , through books , group discussions , church , women’s forums etc . Somehow I was and always am seeking ways to become better and become the best version of myself , in every season. So I decided to see that everything and anything that I have been engaged in with the hope of transforming my life , is a program of sort. Formal or informal , it matters not , the intention is always to get better , and I really love that .

This program specifically, has helped me find numerous revealing details about myself, my past and the person I am becoming and I am in awe.

It also met me when I identified the season I am in, which is aligned to my scripture for 2020 which is John 5:1-9 and so I am literally receiving a revelation every day .

This is a time and point in my life where I realize the need to outgrow what I have learned . Unlearn , shift and reset … it’s a natural and ongoing process of life and I can specifically remember doing the same process not as intense though , in my twenties

It’s called growth

It is all a necessary exercise , I have to work on myself in order for me to effectively touch lives …

So here are some of my favorite questions she’s making me ask myself

What are you protecting ?

What are you proving ?

What are you hiding ?

What are you defending ?

It’s basically a discovery and a question of who am I , today ?

Oprah added a few questions too

What are you blocking ?

What are you resisting ?

What are you not allowing ?

Why are you not leaning into the dream that’s already been created for you ?

There is a common denominator on the answers that I have been giving and they are all linked to the fact that after 36 years of life , just like a man sitting by the pool of Bethsaida I expect the water to bubble up . All you know is that your freedom , your salvation , your redemption , your healing , your next step would have occurred only if you could jump into the bubbling water and only if there was a kind somebody to “ help “ you !

It’s as if we look at our lives from a rear view mirror ! Only if this would happen … then maybe I could !!! I can hear myself saying this so many times already !

But lo and behold , your healing and growth will come only if you stand up, pick up your mat and walk.

This is a time when the redemption has nothing to do with anything that is outside of yourself. Meaning your savior is already with you , He did promise to BE with you . There are five porches at Bethsaida , that means Grace was always there and this confirms that the grace of God is still with us.

The purpose of Bethsaida I believe is to remind us that it doesn’t matter how your community , your neighbors, your friends received their breakthroughs. Whether other kids made it through bursaries and you didn’t , it matters not. Whether your friends are from a well to do family or not , that matters not. Fact is , your breakthrough has nothing to do with what you have seen people experience and the scripture is an exact depiction of what literary happens when we are in midlife !!!!

I know beyond a shadow of doubt that there is a specific reason why the number in years is mentioned . And there is also a reason why specific instructions were given .

Stand up – This means focus on the your strength. By the time you reach midlife , you have pretty much figured out your strengths , and there is sometimes a luring temptation that you can still change your weaknesses, invest and transform . At this stage of life , you ought to stand in your strength . So your better know it and know it very well

Your approach to life , problems , sickness ought to come from a position of your strength and not your weaknesses . This is something that will determine how you handle midlife and life afterwards.

By this time , you have done all you can , seen all you can but now it’s time to take that shot . Yes you know your blind spots and are very much aware and confident of your weaknesses but now you step forward in your strength because He promised that where we are weak , He is strong

So stop wasting time trying to change your weaknesses. This is the time where you understand Paul when he says , he gave me a thorn to keep me humble. Your weakness are a reason and a reminder to say , you are not an island , you need family , you need partnership , if you want to get anything done in life , team up with someone to compliment your weaknesses

Pick up your mat – means get out of the place of comfort!!! The Bible says he picked up his sleeping mat .

There comes a point in life where you realize that if you are going to achieve anything at all , you must be prepared to be uncomfortable. If you are in your mid thirties and haven’t yet made peace with this , you have trouble coming your way

You must get out of your comfort zone or else nothing will ever happen for you . You must accept that you will win some and lose some and in fact learn the strategy of managing a career , being a mom to a 4 year old , whilst trying to teach a grade 1 student , welcome growing in marriage and it’s challenges , whilst at the same time trying to get a proffessional qualification and don’t forget , remaining a daughter and a sister too !!!!!

No one is going say okay , we are going to hold the clock for you , whilst you go study , your mom will stay younger she won’t get sick , no one will hold time whilst you are following your passion . In the midst of it all, life will happen . People will die , jobs will be lost , children will be born , joy will be experienced , happiness will abound

It is a mixture of it all and it is all uncomfortable and the sooner you realize that about life the better chances of thriving you will have

Lisa Nichols says “ your convenience and conviction don’t live on the same street”

Walk !!! – You must walk . Every successful person that I have watched and listened to said “ I kept going” you have to walk towards your dream . You have to move , you might not be certain of the destiny but the breakthrough in life comes when we take the first step !!!

It’s time to stop waiting for water to bubble up . God says I have a different method for you , do you want to get well ?

I personally felt the Lord asking me this , are you willing to see yourself differently are you willing to see the outcome in a different form and view even if it’s something you have never see before ? Or even if it’s not how you imagined it ?

Do you want to get healed ? Be confident = Stand up , Get uncomfortable and walk !!

“We must always relocate our possibilities “ Lisa Nichols

So I took a bold step and changed my hair color. I wake up everyday and walk up to a mirror and I know that I have pressed a RESET button on myself . I am intentionally seeking to find and I am grateful 🙏🏾

Permission to grow = granted !!!!

You regret what you didn’t do and not what you did

20 years ago I started studying at Wits Tech . I remember the feeling I had within three months of my arrival

I just had this terrible feeling of regret with my Grade 12 Maths outcome …. I stood right at the F-Purple block and uttered- I could have gotten an A in Maths 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️and I got a B instead … I could have done better … I should have done better


You see coming to further my studies was a dream come true but I didn’t expect myself to grasp the stuff at this level , I just assumed that technikon modules would be hard

And I was pleasantly surprised

I aced my statistics class even though I didn’t even relate to the subject matter. Meaning at that point in time I couldn’t imagine the role of the subject in real life situations

But I did exceptionally well , to a point that I realized that I could have done better with extra commitment to my Mathematics in Grade 12 …..

It took a while for that feeling to go away . I regretted not working harder to get an A

This was the same year I grasped the concept of “ could have “ “should have “ and how much it adds no value to ones life


The lesson that I got was as follows –

I must make every effort with every opportunity I get to give it my best shot.

There are some life experiences where you only get one chance to shoot . Give it your best

Recognize the moment because we are always standing in the moments of history without even realizing it . We are always writing a story about our lives . Try your best to make sure that you own the words

Dwelling in the past does not help , I cannot change it . I can only change the future


For the past twenty years there has been some good awareness about this fact but an even better experience has been the one where I am now aware that some experiences are just that once off ….. I am now in the time and space where I can also create these opportunities for these shots to occur and it feels great

I have also learned to never take any opportunity for granted . Every experience is intended to serve me some way , always

Lastly , I give myself grace when something doesn’t work . Because I don’t know what I don’t know and this has taken a while for me to grasp


Walking into this new year – I have a deep yearning to lead my life from a place of no regrets. I want to try to shoot my best shot at whatever it is that God has placed under my responsibility . Be it work , raising kids , marriage, friendships and family life. From that day at F-purple block , I think I have done pretty well and I am grateful

I want for difference in room for improvement and utter negligence

I want to be able to look back with a smile on my face , and marvel to the fact that I tried

In success and failure – it will feel good to know that at least that was my best shot

The relentless pursuit is on because I don’t want to regret not doing what I know I was meant to do

So help me God


20th year in Jhb

This is my 20th year in JhB Egoli , the City of Gold !!!! Yeeeeesssssss

When I stood on that N3 with my brother , hiking to this city I had BIG dreams and I just had this amazing faith that God , the dream giver will never leave me nor forsake me

Indeed He has been faithful

It is so rewarding to know that I invested in friendships and I have my confidants , constituencies and comrades that I have walked this journey with for twenty years!! This I am very grateful for

I have used ten of the twenty years to walk in love with my Figo , this too I am grateful for !!

So this next ten years I am elevating things , that hike shall ever ever be in vain !!

I am catching my dreams , faith is my shield 🛡 it has to be worth it !!!


Dear 2020

My scripture for this year is John 5 – Bethesda

This story has resonated with me so much so that it’s my theme for the new year .

There were five covered porches at this pool = the number 5= Grace and this means grace was there all along in this place. The grace of God is always abundant. Grace is with me every day all day and I want to stay in this knowledge and awareness . No matter the size of the trouble and sadness , GRACE abides

The man by the pool had been there for 38 years and had some real experiences = I have learned that there’s a lot that one garners through life experiences and one starts to find some form of comfort in those experiences, especially the negative stuff and these become the story we tell ourselves . These stories are real and sometimes these stories can hinder our next season of success and progress . We must be careful with ourselves and must be aware how we define our lives through these experiences.Our experiences become the window with which we use to view life , add on that we have families and friends and all their experiences combined become the standard or unfortunately they also become the limitations of why one can do or not be able to do . So one does end up with a window view that’s dim or bright and alive with hope and possibilities

So I go into the next decade I am extremely paying attention to this in my life . Having lived for 36 years, having tried and failed , having hoped and discouraged can make me want to give up and just sit with that evidence file of failed attempts . It’s a mid life between deciding to sit at the pool and die there , tell the story and feel the empathy of everyone around me

The story is real

My experiences are real . My experiences are my truth BUT God and miracles also exist

Jesus asked the man – Would you like to be well ? – I can’t sir – really ?

Woow it is amazing that with life experiences which we end up calling facts – we don’t answer the questions , instead we refer to experiences ….. the man answered by saying I can’t get healed Jesus. I have no one to push me . Jesus I have tried and always , every time someone gets in front of me . Believe me Jesus I tried .

This is the same as saying It’s not my fault Jesus , I have faith , I tried Jesus but Jesus nawe uyabona

In midlife there are definitely a bunch of disappointments from set expectations. As long as you leading life with human beings , disappointments are bound to occur but this moment by the pool when the man shares his reality teaches me that at the core I don’t want to place my success and joy at the hands of the help that I feel entitled to . . . Even better , where people have disappointed me it’s okay to seek out more other connections and it’s okay to rather be connected to Jesus and the rest will be history . You need people in your life

I want to give faith a chance … I pray that I do that often .. no matter my experiences …. I pray to give faith a chance

This is saying to me it’s okay to have tired it all , remember that after you have done all you can , give faith a chance , give miracles a chance

———— ——— ———- ———— ————

The stories I tell myself 🙏🏾

This is going to be my most challenging task to face for the rest of my life. I have been alive for 36 years, I have a lot of experiences some good and some bad . I want to give my life a chance and I don’t want my bad experiences to discourage me from living my life fully

When life calls me forth , I promise myself to refuse to say , I tried it and failed . It will be tempting to say so , it is safe to use experience as a buffer , it is scary to try again, my experiences are a foundation of sort . Off course I’m not supposed to discard all experiences . But I want courage to know that my bad experiences and my disappointments are not the end of me and I am still capable of more and greatness . Equally I can produce more joy and more progress and triple success !!!

Failing was just a redirection not the end


So I pray to stay above the clouds mentally – because even when I see the clouds I will believe that the sky remains blue on the other side of the clouds

I wish to stay below the sea because then I will always know that no matter the size of the waves above sea levels there’s always calmness deep down


Weight – the story I tell myself is that I’m Zulu and it’s cultural to be big . I hate being fat it makes me unhappy to feel my thighs against each other , the struggle with clothes etc . So I release this story . There are exceptions in my family and I will look for these exceptions within my culture and I desire to be healthy , slim and that makes me happy . I too will be an exception

Background – the story I tell myself is the “ disadvantaged “ story line . There are facts attached to it . But I look at me today and I say aaaahh what were the odds . So I am going to push regardless of the story because God doesn’t care for location location and location . South African Black Dark Hips and all . I am powerful beyond measure

– ————————⁃- ——————————————————-

Books I’m starting with in 2020

How will you measure your life by Clayton M – I still recommend d this book . It will continue to be my manual for 2020

What to say when you talk to yourself by Shad Helmsetter – bought this one today I just want to say positive things to me , daily . .because with life and growing up the negative chatter becomes so overwhelming

Boundaries in marriage by Dr Henry Cloud because it turns out I got a lot to learn about this institution . It’s a journey I intend to be in for my lifetime , every investment in it is worth it and I just want to be better , I’m obsessed with doing my best and being the best at it

Shut up and listen by Tilman Fertitta – there’s a power multi billionaire in me so this book is engraving some great principles inside me . I will be doing a lot or this in 2020 . Business and more business

I am taking everything by Dr Brene Brown – she is my coach 🙏🏾🙏🏾 and for her I am very grateful


In 2020 I acknowledge the experiences Ohw but honey I am so picking my mat, I am standing up and shall sin no more !!!!

Catching my dreams !!!!!

Thank you for 2019

Dear Lord

Thank you for 2019

Thank you for crushing me. I know you know how much I hated this experience and process . I know you know how hurt I was and still am. I know you know how destroyed I felt and feel. I know you know how much pain I was in and how much I needed every bit of a reason and way to escape the pain

I know you know how I wished for death than this pain

Lord you crushed me . Perhaps I thought I was good enough as an extra sweet branch of dark grapes 🍇 ripe and ready for harvest. Perhaps you know better that I’m better off being a well kept wine 🍷, slowly brewed and extra matured …. so you had to crush me for the ultimate best of me to come out

Dear Lord I have to trust you . I have to trust you that the crushing is for my good. I have to trust you that indeed this too shall work together for my good

But I know that you know and I trust that you weighed the challenges , the pain, the destruction and you saw your grace being sufficient for me through this all

I had to trust your presence even when I didn’t feel it. I had to trust your grace even when I didn’t see it . I had to trust that all this will serve me some day and that I will look back with tears mixed with joy for I endured

Dear Lord

I submit the pain

I submit the anger

I submit the stress

I submit the bitterness

I submit the hostility

I submit the unforgiveness

Open my soul up Heavenly Father. Release me from the bondage and set my heart , my soul and spirit free

Dear 2019 ….. ungivovile….. ngiyabonga 🙏🏾🙏🏾ngikhulile

Inspired by TDJakes

The choice I made on 11 December 2019

I had an encounter which was very unkind to me. I felt demeaned, disrespected and looked down upon, in my own house.

The process of reconciliation taught me something. Some days in life, you will not choose yourself. As she spoke her version of the story, lied through her teeth, I accepted, that today I choose my husband and my kids. I was also very clear in that moment that I chose them, over choosing me.

I was an option to choose. Which was a dismissal of the person. I believe that is what I wanted because I felt no one should ever disrespect me like that. Especially when I have done my part to give them the honor and respect they deserve.

I know this for myself, I never want to feel disrespected in my house and furthermore when an opportunity for the truth is presented, the person chooses themselves over the truth.  Trust has been broken.

I pray I never regret the decision to dismiss with 3 months’ salary allowance. But then again, I am reminding myself that, I am always aware when I make a decision of not choosing myself. I don’t feel like I betrayed myself.

However I must share with the person that I would rather live with a person who tells the truth, owns their shit and say sorry, than a person who says “they were joking’ and they did not mean it that way, when all of their body language and demeanor was the complete opposite.

I have lived through enough of that BS in my house and I refuse to do so ever again. I have been made a fool with that language of “I was just joking “too many times, to an extent that I completely lost trust in my own experiences, especially the terrible uncomfortable ones.

I am also very clear that the decision and choice I made is not for peace sake. It is for me to give a human being another chance, a job to provide for their family. I am happy I said this was a verbal warning. I am very clear about that.

Some situations you get to choose other people and it is okay, so long as you don’t betray yourself.

The responsibility of teaching people how to treat me rests with me and I am proud of myself that I voiced that out. Here is what I am going to do:

– I am going to enjoy  coming back home

– Because that is my house that I dearly sweat for it

– I am going to treat myself with the respect I deserve

– I am going to be kind to myself

– I am going to be clear about my boundaries

– I am going to voice out how feel, no matter how uncomfortable it is for me and the person who hears it


I have to show up for myself. I owe myself that much.


I am a wonderful person, I certainly am a great and exceptional employer, and everyone wants to work for me and with me. I pay the greatest salaries, I am compassionate, and I give above the legally required leave days and salary rates. I am considerate and anyone who works for me is blessed.

How I choose to show up it’s my responsibility , how you choose to show up it’s on you boo!!!!!! If I am honest and you choose dishonesty that’s on you !!!

Reflections 4 : My two big words for 2019


I came across this word whilst reading Adam Grants book , The Originals . The book influenced my understanding and made reference to a book by Clayton M , at first I got the book How to measure your life then I got the Innovators Dilemma on sample

Mr Clayton’s theory motivates me . I love data collectors and researchers . There’s something that picks my fancy when a study was conducted and a conclusion done which influences human behavior

As a result I wrote my sentence using this word. I want to use my influence to be of service , to disrupt poverty, inequality and unemployment!!

Disruptors are innovators and people who change the status quo , they do so using creativity and completely change the game

You can read more on this theory from the books above and be on your way to being a game changer a DISRUPTOR!!!!


Sarah Jakes Roberts named her annual conferences Women Evolve and I am in awe at the evolution that’s been taking place in my life as a result

Been watching the Evolve TV and my life has never been the same . Basically the word has helped me come into grasp that old skins must not carry new wine. There is power in growth , particularly in changing and evolving

So I am evolving and allowing change to break me open. From a farm girl , coming to Jhb, studying , working , now a mother and wife . I have to let go of my old story I tell myself . I must evolve

These two words will continue to stir me up for the next many years to come and this year they definitely disrupted my understanding of game changers and growth


27 November

I went to an accounting software training today and during lunch I accidentally met the CEO and founder of the company , Adapt IT

I know for sure that nothing just happens and this was no coincidence

I gave the guy a hard time as I wanted to draw as much from him in the few minutes I had , as much as I could . So I bombarded him with questions to which he humbly obliged

All that I can say is after that chat , I am not okay 😭😭😭

I was just reminded that I am capable of great things and I know I was meant to do something. I definitely have a contract with the earth , the world and people and I know for sure that I am better than the person I am today


The funny part is as I walked into that building this morning I said to myself, mmhhnnnn I’d like to own a building like this some day and I debated in my mind whether leasing wouldn’t be a better choice since putting so much capital into a building might not be the wisest choice …. I concluded the debate with leasing and I saw the link to various properties owned by myself and my children and their children and my gigantic business leasing from their long list of extended interests ….. mmmhhhh I thought

Fast forward to lunch I meet the CEO and founder of this gigantic company which employs over 1000 people !!!

The company is a JSE listed , the CEO is on a R3m annual salary and earned a R1.7m in bonuses alone in 2019 !!! Omg 😳

This made me recall the feeling I had when it was reported that the Shoprite CEO earns approximately R100m p.a, I remember saying to myself .. mhhhnnn that’s the kind of person I am … I belong to that class that turnover that much and even more …. I’m an good like that

So today I am reminded that I am capable and I need to believe in myself even more

I am the best , I am confident and I can do it