You regret what you didnโ€™t do and not what you did

20 years ago I started studying at Wits Tech . I remember the feeling I had within three months of my arrival

I just had this terrible feeling of regret with my Grade 12 Maths outcome …. I stood right at the F-Purple block and uttered- I could have gotten an A in Maths ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฟโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฟโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฟโ€โ™€๏ธand I got a B instead … I could have done better … I should have done better


You see coming to further my studies was a dream come true but I didnโ€™t expect myself to grasp the stuff at this level , I just assumed that technikon modules would be hard

And I was pleasantly surprised

I aced my statistics class even though I didnโ€™t even relate to the subject matter. Meaning at that point in time I couldnโ€™t imagine the role of the subject in real life situations

But I did exceptionally well , to a point that I realized that I could have done better with extra commitment to my Mathematics in Grade 12 …..

It took a while for that feeling to go away . I regretted not working harder to get an A

This was the same year I grasped the concept of โ€œ could have โ€œ โ€œshould have โ€œ and how much it adds no value to ones life


The lesson that I got was as follows –

I must make every effort with every opportunity I get to give it my best shot.

There are some life experiences where you only get one chance to shoot . Give it your best

Recognize the moment because we are always standing in the moments of history without even realizing it . We are always writing a story about our lives . Try your best to make sure that you own the words

Dwelling in the past does not help , I cannot change it . I can only change the future


For the past twenty years there has been some good awareness about this fact but an even better experience has been the one where I am now aware that some experiences are just that once off ….. I am now in the time and space where I can also create these opportunities for these shots to occur and it feels great

I have also learned to never take any opportunity for granted . Every experience is intended to serve me some way , always

Lastly , I give myself grace when something doesnโ€™t work . Because I donโ€™t know what I donโ€™t know and this has taken a while for me to grasp


Walking into this new year – I have a deep yearning to lead my life from a place of no regrets. I want to try to shoot my best shot at whatever it is that God has placed under my responsibility . Be it work , raising kids , marriage, friendships and family life. From that day at F-purple block , I think I have done pretty well and I am grateful

I want for difference in room for improvement and utter negligence

I want to be able to look back with a smile on my face , and marvel to the fact that I tried

In success and failure – it will feel good to know that at least that was my best shot

The relentless pursuit is on because I don’t want to regret not doing what I know I was meant to do

So help me God


20th year in Jhb

This is my 20th year in JhB Egoli , the City of Gold !!!! Yeeeeesssssss

When I stood on that N3 with my brother , hiking to this city I had BIG dreams and I just had this amazing faith that God , the dream giver will never leave me nor forsake me

Indeed He has been faithful

It is so rewarding to know that I invested in friendships and I have my confidants , constituencies and comrades that I have walked this journey with for twenty years!! This I am very grateful for

I have used ten of the twenty years to walk in love with my Figo , this too I am grateful for !!

So this next ten years I am elevating things , that hike shall ever ever be in vain !!

I am catching my dreams , faith is my shield ๐Ÿ›ก it has to be worth it !!!


Dear 2020

My scripture for this year is John 5 – Bethesda

This story has resonated with me so much so that it’s my theme for the new year .

There were five covered porches at this pool = the number 5= Grace and this means grace was there all along in this place. The grace of God is always abundant. Grace is with me every day all day and I want to stay in this knowledge and awareness . No matter the size of the trouble and sadness , GRACE abides

The man by the pool had been there for 38 years and had some real experiences = I have learned that thereโ€™s a lot that one garners through life experiences and one starts to find some form of comfort in those experiences, especially the negative stuff and these become the story we tell ourselves . These stories are real and sometimes these stories can hinder our next season of success and progress . We must be careful with ourselves and must be aware how we define our lives through these experiences.Our experiences become the window with which we use to view life , add on that we have families and friends and all their experiences combined become the standard or unfortunately they also become the limitations of why one can do or not be able to do . So one does end up with a window view that’s dim or bright and alive with hope and possibilities

So I go into the next decade I am extremely paying attention to this in my life . Having lived for 36 years, having tried and failed , having hoped and discouraged can make me want to give up and just sit with that evidence file of failed attempts . It’s a mid life between deciding to sit at the pool and die there , tell the story and feel the empathy of everyone around me

The story is real

My experiences are real . My experiences are my truth BUT God and miracles also exist

Jesus asked the man – Would you like to be well ? – I canโ€™t sir – really ?

Woow it is amazing that with life experiences which we end up calling facts – we donโ€™t answer the questions , instead we refer to experiences ….. the man answered by saying I canโ€™t get healed Jesus. I have no one to push me . Jesus I have tried and always , every time someone gets in front of me . Believe me Jesus I tried .

This is the same as saying Itโ€™s not my fault Jesus , I have faith , I tried Jesus but Jesus nawe uyabona

In midlife there are definitely a bunch of disappointments from set expectations. As long as you leading life with human beings , disappointments are bound to occur but this moment by the pool when the man shares his reality teaches me that at the core I don’t want to place my success and joy at the hands of the help that I feel entitled to . . . Even better , where people have disappointed me it’s okay to seek out more other connections and it’s okay to rather be connected to Jesus and the rest will be history . You need people in your life

I want to give faith a chance … I pray that I do that often .. no matter my experiences …. I pray to give faith a chance

This is saying to me it’s okay to have tired it all , remember that after you have done all you can , give faith a chance , give miracles a chance

โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€” โ€”โ€”โ€” โ€”โ€”โ€”- โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€” โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”

The stories I tell myself ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

This is going to be my most challenging task to face for the rest of my life. I have been alive for 36 years, I have a lot of experiences some good and some bad . I want to give my life a chance and I donโ€™t want my bad experiences to discourage me from living my life fully

When life calls me forth , I promise myself to refuse to say , I tried it and failed . It will be tempting to say so , it is safe to use experience as a buffer , it is scary to try again, my experiences are a foundation of sort . Off course Iโ€™m not supposed to discard all experiences . But I want courage to know that my bad experiences and my disappointments are not the end of me and I am still capable of more and greatness . Equally I can produce more joy and more progress and triple success !!!

Failing was just a redirection not the end


So I pray to stay above the clouds mentally – because even when I see the clouds I will believe that the sky remains blue on the other side of the clouds

I wish to stay below the sea because then I will always know that no matter the size of the waves above sea levels thereโ€™s always calmness deep down


Weight – the story I tell myself is that Iโ€™m Zulu and itโ€™s cultural to be big . I hate being fat it makes me unhappy to feel my thighs against each other , the struggle with clothes etc . So I release this story . There are exceptions in my family and I will look for these exceptions within my culture and I desire to be healthy , slim and that makes me happy . I too will be an exception

Background – the story I tell myself is the โ€œ disadvantaged โ€œ story line . There are facts attached to it . But I look at me today and I say aaaahh what were the odds . So I am going to push regardless of the story because God doesnโ€™t care for location location and location . South African Black Dark Hips and all . I am powerful beyond measure

– ————————โƒ- โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”-

Books Iโ€™m starting with in 2020

How will you measure your life by Clayton M – I still recommend d this book . It will continue to be my manual for 2020

What to say when you talk to yourself by Shad Helmsetter – bought this one today I just want to say positive things to me , daily . .because with life and growing up the negative chatter becomes so overwhelming

Boundaries in marriage by Dr Henry Cloud because it turns out I got a lot to learn about this institution . Itโ€™s a journey I intend to be in for my lifetime , every investment in it is worth it and I just want to be better , Iโ€™m obsessed with doing my best and being the best at it

Shut up and listen by Tilman Fertitta – thereโ€™s a power multi billionaire in me so this book is engraving some great principles inside me . I will be doing a lot or this in 2020 . Business and more business

I am taking everything by Dr Brene Brown – she is my coach ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ and for her I am very grateful


In 2020 I acknowledge the experiences Ohw but honey I am so picking my mat, I am standing up and shall sin no more !!!!

Catching my dreams !!!!!

Thank you for 2019

Dear Lord

Thank you for 2019

Thank you for crushing me. I know you know how much I hated this experience and process . I know you know how hurt I was and still am. I know you know how destroyed I felt and feel. I know you know how much pain I was in and how much I needed every bit of a reason and way to escape the pain

I know you know how I wished for death than this pain

Lord you crushed me . Perhaps I thought I was good enough as an extra sweet branch of dark grapes ๐Ÿ‡ ripe and ready for harvest. Perhaps you know better that Iโ€™m better off being a well kept wine ๐Ÿท, slowly brewed and extra matured …. so you had to crush me for the ultimate best of me to come out

Dear Lord I have to trust you . I have to trust you that the crushing is for my good. I have to trust you that indeed this too shall work together for my good

But I know that you know and I trust that you weighed the challenges , the pain, the destruction and you saw your grace being sufficient for me through this all

I had to trust your presence even when I didnโ€™t feel it. I had to trust your grace even when I didnโ€™t see it . I had to trust that all this will serve me some day and that I will look back with tears mixed with joy for I endured

Dear Lord

I submit the pain

I submit the anger

I submit the stress

I submit the bitterness

I submit the hostility

I submit the unforgiveness

Open my soul up Heavenly Father. Release me from the bondage and set my heart , my soul and spirit free

Dear 2019 ….. ungivovile….. ngiyabonga ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพngikhulile

Inspired by TDJakes

The choice I made on 11 December 2019

I had an encounter which was very unkind to me. I felt demeaned, disrespected and looked down upon, in my own house.

The process of reconciliation taught me something. Some days in life, you will not choose yourself. As she spoke her version of the story, lied through her teeth, I accepted, that today I choose my husband and my kids. I was also very clear in that moment that I chose them, over choosing me.

I was an option to choose. Which was a dismissal of the person. I believe that is what I wanted because I felt no one should ever disrespect me like that. Especially when I have done my part to give them the honor and respect they deserve.

I know this for myself, I never want to feel disrespected in my house and furthermore when an opportunity for the truth is presented, the person chooses themselves over the truth.  Trust has been broken.

I pray I never regret the decision to dismiss with 3 monthsโ€™ salary allowance. But then again, I am reminding myself that, I am always aware when I make a decision of not choosing myself. I donโ€™t feel like I betrayed myself.

However I must share with the person that I would rather live with a person who tells the truth, owns their shit and say sorry, than a person who says โ€œthey were jokingโ€™ and they did not mean it that way, when all of their body language and demeanor was the complete opposite.

I have lived through enough of that BS in my house and I refuse to do so ever again. I have been made a fool with that language of โ€œI was just joking โ€œtoo many times, to an extent that I completely lost trust in my own experiences, especially the terrible uncomfortable ones.

I am also very clear that the decision and choice I made is not for peace sake. It is for me to give a human being another chance, a job to provide for their family. I am happy I said this was a verbal warning. I am very clear about that.

Some situations you get to choose other people and it is okay, so long as you donโ€™t betray yourself.

The responsibility of teaching people how to treat me rests with me and I am proud of myself that I voiced that out. Here is what I am going to do:

– I am going to enjoy  coming back home

– Because that is my house that I dearly sweat for it

– I am going to treat myself with the respect I deserve

– I am going to be kind to myself

– I am going to be clear about my boundaries

– I am going to voice out how feel, no matter how uncomfortable it is for me and the person who hears it


I have to show up for myself. I owe myself that much.


I am a wonderful person, I certainly am a great and exceptional employer, and everyone wants to work for me and with me. I pay the greatest salaries, I am compassionate, and I give above the legally required leave days and salary rates. I am considerate and anyone who works for me is blessed.

How I choose to show up it’s my responsibility , how you choose to show up it’s on you boo!!!!!! If I am honest and you choose dishonesty that’s on you !!!

Reflections 4 : My two big words for 2019


I came across this word whilst reading Adam Grants book , The Originals . The book influenced my understanding and made reference to a book by Clayton M , at first I got the book How to measure your life then I got the Innovators Dilemma on sample

Mr Claytonโ€™s theory motivates me . I love data collectors and researchers . Thereโ€™s something that picks my fancy when a study was conducted and a conclusion done which influences human behavior

As a result I wrote my sentence using this word. I want to use my influence to be of service , to disrupt poverty, inequality and unemployment!!

Disruptors are innovators and people who change the status quo , they do so using creativity and completely change the game

You can read more on this theory from the books above and be on your way to being a game changer a DISRUPTOR!!!!


Sarah Jakes Roberts named her annual conferences Women Evolve and I am in awe at the evolution thatโ€™s been taking place in my life as a result

Been watching the Evolve TV and my life has never been the same . Basically the word has helped me come into grasp that old skins must not carry new wine. There is power in growth , particularly in changing and evolving

So I am evolving and allowing change to break me open. From a farm girl , coming to Jhb, studying , working , now a mother and wife . I have to let go of my old story I tell myself . I must evolve

These two words will continue to stir me up for the next many years to come and this year they definitely disrupted my understanding of game changers and growth


27 November

I went to an accounting software training today and during lunch I accidentally met the CEO and founder of the company , Adapt IT

I know for sure that nothing just happens and this was no coincidence

I gave the guy a hard time as I wanted to draw as much from him in the few minutes I had , as much as I could . So I bombarded him with questions to which he humbly obliged

All that I can say is after that chat , I am not okay ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I was just reminded that I am capable of great things and I know I was meant to do something. I definitely have a contract with the earth , the world and people and I know for sure that I am better than the person I am today


The funny part is as I walked into that building this morning I said to myself, mmhhnnnn I’d like to own a building like this some day and I debated in my mind whether leasing wouldn’t be a better choice since putting so much capital into a building might not be the wisest choice …. I concluded the debate with leasing and I saw the link to various properties owned by myself and my children and their children and my gigantic business leasing from their long list of extended interests ….. mmmhhhh I thought

Fast forward to lunch I meet the CEO and founder of this gigantic company which employs over 1000 people !!!

The company is a JSE listed , the CEO is on a R3m annual salary and earned a R1.7m in bonuses alone in 2019 !!! Omg ๐Ÿ˜ณ

This made me recall the feeling I had when it was reported that the Shoprite CEO earns approximately R100m p.a, I remember saying to myself .. mhhhnnn that’s the kind of person I am … I belong to that class that turnover that much and even more …. I’m an good like that

So today I am reminded that I am capable and I need to believe in myself even more

I am the best , I am confident and I can do it


Reflections on 2019 – Number 3 – Isaiah 40:28-31- Eagles donโ€™t flock

They spread their wings and soar like eagles !!!!!

I was reflecting on the post I made early this year about my realization that intertwined to my chase , and had come to the realization that I was in part chasing my friends dreams. It seems many life lessons have come to me as a result of that post and I have been hearing over and over the Holy Spirit asking me over and over โ€œ who told you that birds of the same feathers flock together โ€œ? Is it even biblical ?

Who told you that birds of the same feather flock together ? Is it biblical that you should flock ?

Immediately after this question I was led to listen to Dr Myles Munroe, I got goosebumps when I heard him say EAGLES donโ€™t FLOCK

The only bird God uses to identify himself with in the Bible is an EAGLE ๐Ÿฆ……. Dr Myles Munroe and I was shocked ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

I heard myself saying โ€œ this is why it is so lonely โ€œ soaring on that level of an eagle is lonely and that is part of life . Making decisions that stand out is lonely but again I donโ€™t think itโ€™s so much about those decisions. I think itโ€™s the fact that thereโ€™s no one else on this earth who has your DNA therefore there are times when itโ€™s just you and you alone.

I do believe now that it is unavoidable and it is supposed to be like that because I alone know the purpose that God created me for . . .

I would be lying if I said there is no comfort in flocking though , there is belonging in flocking , all which are some of the basic human needs . .

But in order to make an impact in this world , I ought not to be afraid of soaring by myself .

When I see the following characteristics I identify them as such , these include

โƒ Fear of making a different choice out of fear of isolation

โƒ Second guessing yourself

โƒ Over consulting

โƒ Seeking peoples approval even on maters where you have absolute confidence

โƒ Needing a buy in for every decision you make

Thereโ€™s a lot but these few just stand out for me.

So I am ending this year with a very grounded feeling and a better sense of identity when coming to the person I am and becoming . I also now have better view of the role of my friendships and other relations

For example I no longer desire to acquire what my sister or friends have , or perceive their material , academic or any acquisitions as a point of motivation for me to get the same. That season is over. I am now in time and season of staying in my lane and respect all that which my lane provides and not get astray by what my sister and friend have in their lane. In this way , I get to show up in the most authentic , loving and very graceful way

I have found myself ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

Lesson 2: Books that impacted my life the most this year

1. Gifts of Imperfections by D.  Brene Brown


This book changed my life and has become the manual from where I try to lead my life daily. There are 13 lessons that Dr. Brene shares about, I managed to reflect on 9 of the 13. You can find out more about these on my blog.

These lessons include :  Do not rush your life, Being flexible with my goals, Open Heart, Letting go of comparison , Letting go of perfectionism , letting go of self-doubt , letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth , letting go of the need for certainty , Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

On moments when I feel like I am going back to the gutter, I turn on my audible and listen to a chapter that deals with the issue at hand and I get my mind to be transformed and my perspective becomes transformed


2. How will you measure your life โ€“ James Allworth, Clayton M


This books starts with a story of what happens in almost every generation, the success stories and the pitfalls. In fact this books reminds me a lot of a sermon by TDJ โ€œPressure of lifeโ€. It encouraged me to stay on course with my values of integrity, to lead my life within my means and pursue my commitment to my husband and kids no matter what the world says and whether or not loyalty and faithfulness comes out of fashion. I love this book so much I had to share it with most of my friends. It answered my questions, how can I be successful in my career, how to commit and make my marriage commitment be rewarding including extended family and finally, how to lead a life of integrity and stay out of jail.

If you are a driven person, who realizes that indeed the road to heaven if very narrow and suitable for 1 person at a time, yet you feel alone , like you the only one taking the high road. Read this book

I have no doubt that if every Manager in Government used this as part of their coaching package, corruption would reduce drastically. I will be recommending it for many years to come.


3. Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah Winfrey

This book is amazing, a collection of well refined interviews from Super Soul Sundays. This book is very rich with diverse topics and mentors, from Iyanla Vanzant, Gary Zukav. From this book, I discovered many more other books that I have bought and am studying now. I listen to this book at least once a week and I have clocked more than a thousand hours since owning it.

4. Success Commandments( audio=Hollywood Commandments) by Devon Franklin

This book is perfect for our time and generation. Devon uses the word of God to help us navigate the skills set to impact the world that we live in. Devon is unashamed to be a dedicate Christian and his passion for Christ, sense of vision, commitment challenges me to strive being the best at what I do.

Devon gives practical day to day steps on how to be vigilant and use the skills to grow into the person God wants you to be, and his book is relevant for a person working for the church or a president of the country. I will be using this as my coaching pack and I plan to buy each and every one in my team for the December gift.  


Using Audible Books has by been the best decision for my life. In the two hours I spent on the road daily , I use the time wisely and have benefited from this app. So I recommend it for working moms and anyone who spends a bit of time commuting!!!

Please share with me your best reads for the year – I would like to hear ๐Ÿ‘‚

Lessons learned and reflections from 2019 – Reflections Number 1- What is my WHY

Rev 3:20 : Look , I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will share a meal together as friends.

Right in the middle of the night, when the clock hit 00h00, we went on our knees, my family and I, we thanked God our creator for seeing another year and we prayed for hope, love, peace, grace and an abundant 2019. I walked over to my husband and said happy New Year and he responded โ€œno more kidsโ€

This one small statement, turned my 2019 upside down. It started me on a journey to want to know why I want many kids. What is my why?

The journey not only focused on my desire to have more kids, but it filtered to most of areas of my life, why am I the person that I am today, why do I have the dreams that I have today and who is the kind of person do I desire to be and why.

Why do I want many kids? I asked myself. There is absolutely no other truth except that, I come from a big family, having been born 7th, my parents always took care of other kids from my motherโ€™s side. So I am used to a busy, noisy house with us playing around and I absolutely love the beautiful memories that I have from my childhood.

The fact that when we wanted to play skop di bolo, we did not have to invite neighbors to form a team, the fact that we could form two competing teams on our own was marvelous!!!!  I really loved the constant company I had and I just in a way wanted to give my kids that experience. As I grew up, I enjoyed having an older brother mentoring me and teaching how to pronounce and write my words. I further enjoyed having an older sister to look up to, at the same I loved having a young one to mentor and shape. So for each and every stage of my life, I had someone, who was my blood to either learn from, share life experiences with and also someone to teach.

I look at my family and it is like, we all have been passing a baton, one after another. The comfort and warmth of having bigger family means diverse personalities, learning to toughen your voice to be heard because there is so many of you.  

But it seemed to me that my obsession with this had sort of boxed me to stay stagnant with the hope that we will be adding another baby soon. So I did not want to over commit to losing weight, because I might just gain that weight back and waste all the efforts. My focus was on weight and not health. I could not commit with huge effort to studies and anything else because I might just get pregnant and lose or waste all the momentum.

So I have been taking a hard look at myself and I realized that what I was doing , was to find a reason why I should not pursue my dreams, my goals , especially the ones that require extra effort and sacrifice. I realized that motherhood as amazing it is for me, was my excuse not to pursue my dream.

In fact, I was scared, still am a little bit, and it is safer for me to be pregnant and have an excuse why I cannot do this or that. This is my comfortable space and I discovered that to my own detriment, I love it, a little bit too much.

I also realized that I had been doing this in most areas of my life, where I do not live in the NOW, I get something done, do not revel and celebrate and just sit in the moment. I quickly tick the box and rush for the next one. I realized that this is not how God wants me to lead my life. Life always on a fast lane. I have two beautiful kids and I am so grateful for them and I love them, however my memories and my experiences of growing up are mine and were specially designed for me. My job and role is try as much as I can, to tell them the beautiful stories of my upbringing and watch their faces light up at the imagination and the beauty of the story.

As for me, I need to step up to the scary and unknown territories of life and purpose. I must not look for excuses to stop me from achieving that sexy body and I must not look for casual, comfortable experiences that I already know, with the intention of running away from the life God has destined for me.

It is November now, I am completely free from the future and the unknown and I am learning each day to embrace uncertainty and to be open to faith. I am opening more and more to letting go of trying to control the future and have step 1,2,3,4 figured out but I am trusting that God got me. I am already a mommy and it does not matter the number of kids I have, I have a goal and the purpose to accomplish and that is what I must pursue.

I also learned that I am more than a mommy, as satisfying and fulfilling this criteria is, I am more than that and it is okay

to open up to what God has in store for me!!!!

So I do believe that KGโ€™s whisper, was the Lordโ€™s way of knocking at my

door and I am glad I opened. This was the year of saying YES to Him.