Reflections 4 : My two big words for 2019

Disruption

I came across this word whilst reading Adam Grants book , The Originals . The book influenced my understanding and made reference to a book by Clayton M , at first I got the book How to measure your life then I got the Innovators Dilemma on sample

Mr Clayton’s theory motivates me . I love data collectors and researchers . There’s something that picks my fancy when a study was conducted and a conclusion done which influences human behavior

As a result I wrote my sentence using this word. I want to use my influence to be of service , to disrupt poverty, inequality and unemployment!!

Disruptors are innovators and people who change the status quo , they do so using creativity and completely change the game

You can read more on this theory from the books above and be on your way to being a game changer a DISRUPTOR!!!!

Elvolve

Sarah Jakes Roberts named her annual conferences Women Evolve and I am in awe at the evolution that’s been taking place in my life as a result

Been watching the Evolve TV and my life has never been the same . Basically the word has helped me come into grasp that old skins must not carry new wine. There is power in growth , particularly in changing and evolving

So I am evolving and allowing change to break me open. From a farm girl , coming to Jhb, studying , working , now a mother and wife . I have to let go of my old story I tell myself . I must evolve

These two words will continue to stir me up for the next many years to come and this year they definitely disrupted my understanding of game changers and growth

Grateful

27 November

I went to an accounting software training today and during lunch I accidentally met the CEO and founder of the company , Adapt IT

I know for sure that nothing just happens and this was no coincidence

I gave the guy a hard time as I wanted to draw as much from him in the few minutes I had , as much as I could . So I bombarded him with questions to which he humbly obliged

All that I can say is after that chat , I am not okay 😭😭😭

I was just reminded that I am capable of great things and I know I was meant to do something. I definitely have a contract with the earth , the world and people and I know for sure that I am better than the person I am today

———————————————————————-

The funny part is as I walked into that building this morning I said to myself, mmhhnnnn I’d like to own a building like this some day and I debated in my mind whether leasing wouldn’t be a better choice since putting so much capital into a building might not be the wisest choice …. I concluded the debate with leasing and I saw the link to various properties owned by myself and my children and their children and my gigantic business leasing from their long list of extended interests ….. mmmhhhh I thought

Fast forward to lunch I meet the CEO and founder of this gigantic company which employs over 1000 people !!!

The company is a JSE listed , the CEO is on a R3m annual salary and earned a R1.7m in bonuses alone in 2019 !!! Omg 😳

This made me recall the feeling I had when it was reported that the Shoprite CEO earns approximately R100m p.a, I remember saying to myself .. mhhhnnn that’s the kind of person I am … I belong to that class that turnover that much and even more …. I’m an good like that

So today I am reminded that I am capable and I need to believe in myself even more

I am the best , I am confident and I can do it

🙏namaste

Reflections on 2019 – Number 3 – Isaiah 40:28-31- Eagles don’t flock

They spread their wings and soar like eagles !!!!!

I was reflecting on the post I made early this year about my realization that intertwined to my chase , and had come to the realization that I was in part chasing my friends dreams. It seems many life lessons have come to me as a result of that post and I have been hearing over and over the Holy Spirit asking me over and over “ who told you that birds of the same feathers flock together “? Is it even biblical ?

Who told you that birds of the same feather flock together ? Is it biblical that you should flock ?

Immediately after this question I was led to listen to Dr Myles Munroe, I got goosebumps when I heard him say EAGLES don’t FLOCK

The only bird God uses to identify himself with in the Bible is an EAGLE 🦅…. Dr Myles Munroe and I was shocked 😮

I heard myself saying “ this is why it is so lonely “ soaring on that level of an eagle is lonely and that is part of life . Making decisions that stand out is lonely but again I don’t think it’s so much about those decisions. I think it’s the fact that there’s no one else on this earth who has your DNA therefore there are times when it’s just you and you alone.

I do believe now that it is unavoidable and it is supposed to be like that because I alone know the purpose that God created me for . . .

I would be lying if I said there is no comfort in flocking though , there is belonging in flocking , all which are some of the basic human needs . .

But in order to make an impact in this world , I ought not to be afraid of soaring by myself .

When I see the following characteristics I identify them as such , these include

⁃ Fear of making a different choice out of fear of isolation

⁃ Second guessing yourself

⁃ Over consulting

⁃ Seeking peoples approval even on maters where you have absolute confidence

⁃ Needing a buy in for every decision you make

There’s a lot but these few just stand out for me.

So I am ending this year with a very grounded feeling and a better sense of identity when coming to the person I am and becoming . I also now have better view of the role of my friendships and other relations

For example I no longer desire to acquire what my sister or friends have , or perceive their material , academic or any acquisitions as a point of motivation for me to get the same. That season is over. I am now in time and season of staying in my lane and respect all that which my lane provides and not get astray by what my sister and friend have in their lane. In this way , I get to show up in the most authentic , loving and very graceful way

I have found myself 🙏🙏

Lesson 2: Books that impacted my life the most this year

1. Gifts of Imperfections by D.  Brene Brown

 

This book changed my life and has become the manual from where I try to lead my life daily. There are 13 lessons that Dr. Brene shares about, I managed to reflect on 9 of the 13. You can find out more about these on my blog.

These lessons include :  Do not rush your life, Being flexible with my goals, Open Heart, Letting go of comparison , Letting go of perfectionism , letting go of self-doubt , letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth , letting go of the need for certainty , Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

On moments when I feel like I am going back to the gutter, I turn on my audible and listen to a chapter that deals with the issue at hand and I get my mind to be transformed and my perspective becomes transformed

 

2. How will you measure your life – James Allworth, Clayton M

 

This books starts with a story of what happens in almost every generation, the success stories and the pitfalls. In fact this books reminds me a lot of a sermon by TDJ “Pressure of life”. It encouraged me to stay on course with my values of integrity, to lead my life within my means and pursue my commitment to my husband and kids no matter what the world says and whether or not loyalty and faithfulness comes out of fashion. I love this book so much I had to share it with most of my friends. It answered my questions, how can I be successful in my career, how to commit and make my marriage commitment be rewarding including extended family and finally, how to lead a life of integrity and stay out of jail.

If you are a driven person, who realizes that indeed the road to heaven if very narrow and suitable for 1 person at a time, yet you feel alone , like you the only one taking the high road. Read this book

I have no doubt that if every Manager in Government used this as part of their coaching package, corruption would reduce drastically. I will be recommending it for many years to come.

 

3. Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah Winfrey

This book is amazing, a collection of well refined interviews from Super Soul Sundays. This book is very rich with diverse topics and mentors, from Iyanla Vanzant, Gary Zukav. From this book, I discovered many more other books that I have bought and am studying now. I listen to this book at least once a week and I have clocked more than a thousand hours since owning it.

4. Success Commandments( audio=Hollywood Commandments) by Devon Franklin

This book is perfect for our time and generation. Devon uses the word of God to help us navigate the skills set to impact the world that we live in. Devon is unashamed to be a dedicate Christian and his passion for Christ, sense of vision, commitment challenges me to strive being the best at what I do.

Devon gives practical day to day steps on how to be vigilant and use the skills to grow into the person God wants you to be, and his book is relevant for a person working for the church or a president of the country. I will be using this as my coaching pack and I plan to buy each and every one in my team for the December gift.  

 

Using Audible Books has by been the best decision for my life. In the two hours I spent on the road daily , I use the time wisely and have benefited from this app. So I recommend it for working moms and anyone who spends a bit of time commuting!!!

Please share with me your best reads for the year – I would like to hear 👂

Lessons learned and reflections from 2019 – Reflections Number 1- What is my WHY

Rev 3:20 : Look , I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will share a meal together as friends.

Right in the middle of the night, when the clock hit 00h00, we went on our knees, my family and I, we thanked God our creator for seeing another year and we prayed for hope, love, peace, grace and an abundant 2019. I walked over to my husband and said happy New Year and he responded “no more kids”

This one small statement, turned my 2019 upside down. It started me on a journey to want to know why I want many kids. What is my why?

The journey not only focused on my desire to have more kids, but it filtered to most of areas of my life, why am I the person that I am today, why do I have the dreams that I have today and who is the kind of person do I desire to be and why.

Why do I want many kids? I asked myself. There is absolutely no other truth except that, I come from a big family, having been born 7th, my parents always took care of other kids from my mother’s side. So I am used to a busy, noisy house with us playing around and I absolutely love the beautiful memories that I have from my childhood.

The fact that when we wanted to play skop di bolo, we did not have to invite neighbors to form a team, the fact that we could form two competing teams on our own was marvelous!!!!  I really loved the constant company I had and I just in a way wanted to give my kids that experience. As I grew up, I enjoyed having an older brother mentoring me and teaching how to pronounce and write my words. I further enjoyed having an older sister to look up to, at the same I loved having a young one to mentor and shape. So for each and every stage of my life, I had someone, who was my blood to either learn from, share life experiences with and also someone to teach.

I look at my family and it is like, we all have been passing a baton, one after another. The comfort and warmth of having bigger family means diverse personalities, learning to toughen your voice to be heard because there is so many of you.  

But it seemed to me that my obsession with this had sort of boxed me to stay stagnant with the hope that we will be adding another baby soon. So I did not want to over commit to losing weight, because I might just gain that weight back and waste all the efforts. My focus was on weight and not health. I could not commit with huge effort to studies and anything else because I might just get pregnant and lose or waste all the momentum.

So I have been taking a hard look at myself and I realized that what I was doing , was to find a reason why I should not pursue my dreams, my goals , especially the ones that require extra effort and sacrifice. I realized that motherhood as amazing it is for me, was my excuse not to pursue my dream.

In fact, I was scared, still am a little bit, and it is safer for me to be pregnant and have an excuse why I cannot do this or that. This is my comfortable space and I discovered that to my own detriment, I love it, a little bit too much.

I also realized that I had been doing this in most areas of my life, where I do not live in the NOW, I get something done, do not revel and celebrate and just sit in the moment. I quickly tick the box and rush for the next one. I realized that this is not how God wants me to lead my life. Life always on a fast lane. I have two beautiful kids and I am so grateful for them and I love them, however my memories and my experiences of growing up are mine and were specially designed for me. My job and role is try as much as I can, to tell them the beautiful stories of my upbringing and watch their faces light up at the imagination and the beauty of the story.

As for me, I need to step up to the scary and unknown territories of life and purpose. I must not look for excuses to stop me from achieving that sexy body and I must not look for casual, comfortable experiences that I already know, with the intention of running away from the life God has destined for me.

It is November now, I am completely free from the future and the unknown and I am learning each day to embrace uncertainty and to be open to faith. I am opening more and more to letting go of trying to control the future and have step 1,2,3,4 figured out but I am trusting that God got me. I am already a mommy and it does not matter the number of kids I have, I have a goal and the purpose to accomplish and that is what I must pursue.

I also learned that I am more than a mommy, as satisfying and fulfilling this criteria is, I am more than that and it is okay

to open up to what God has in store for me!!!!

So I do believe that KG’s whisper, was the Lord’s way of knocking at my

door and I am glad I opened. This was the year of saying YES to Him.

Rainy evening meal

We had a rainy day today and was craving some chicken soup/ curry

Curry 🍛 stews are my best dishes … I absolute outdo myself . The taste is so heavenly

And so I delivered with some home made buns I call them . Made from plain yoghurt and self raising flower . Got this recipe from @foodiesa

I cannot wait to have some more in my lunch box tomorrow

👌🏾

Finding role models

 

You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became IMITATORS of us and of the Lord for you welcomed the message . . . . .  1 Thes 1:5-1

Imitator: someone who copies the behavior or actions of another.

Today I am reflecting on the various role models I am emulating in my life. The bible based church used examples and characters in the bible to shape my outlook in life and the person that I am today.

One of the scriptures that challenged me when I was a teen was when the apostle Peter said to the man by the beautiful gate “look at us”. The evangelist loved challenging us in the context of how we present Christ to the world and so they would ask, in the manner with which you lead your day to day life, would you have confidence to say to someone, look at me and follow me?

I was always encouraged by such sermons and they created a deep yearning to be a good steward of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

So I was thinking at who I have been looking at this stage of my life and what are the actions and behaviors that I desire or have been emulating. . . . Here is my non-South African list. . .

There is a lot of Michelle Obama(55) in me. A woman on a mission, you know that Presidential material J. You look at Michelle and think gooosh she is so serious and you read her book and find the deep sense of identity, sense of knowing and just simple desire to be. Michelle is my soldier and strength. Michelle is my discipline and I just yearn to grow more in the strengths she poses. One of the words she used in one of her interviews was that she was “intentional” about EVERYTHING when they moved into the white house. That spells “understanding times to me” 

I try to emulate the gratitude of Gabrielle Union and her awakened sense to the meaning of life, husband and children. I like how she was the first black woman who made an impression to me on her eloquence and confidence. She is living her life day by day with strength, zeal and commitment and intentionally lifting others on her way . . . GU is my ultimate body goal J lol … she makes me believe I will be that hot and yummy at 47!!!! I designed my wedding gown after hers

I have no doubt that I poses the strength and character of Iyanla Vanzant’s gift. The courage to tell the truth, to ownyour mess and ability to help to draw the same out from others for the purpose of healing and reconciliation. . Iyanla is fearless in her personality and gifts. .I have lost count how I have used her tools and approach in my teams. Been following her and reading her books from 1999 /2000 and it has been a bliss to see her evolve, at 66, she teaches me a lot!!! Iyanla is a student of life and I love her phrase “what is this experience here to teach me “

The grace, the loyalty, the vulnerable, honest, the die-hardbabe and mellow personality that is Jada Pinkett Smith (48). 7 years ago she did a mothers special of the Red Table Talk. Now I get to watch this creation every single week and I learn so much from 3 generations of black woman, healing and being transparent. I have been able to identify some of my own issues where God is helping me with. Seeing Jada has dispelled a lot of myths about love, pain and wealth. Pain knows no boundaries and affects the rich and the poor… it’s in the bible but to see it real time, is very humbling. I have a much better practical perspective on how my future looks like    …. I would not be surprised to see myself emulating these conversations with my own girls and their kids. . 

And then there is Sarah Jakes Robert!!!! She is my go to girl and in 2019 she has coached my every move. I have been watching her live, following her and have watched every single Youtube video since January 2019. I have most if not all of her resources. She speaks to my time, my today and my future. She’s got the word, am so grateful for her gifts and the revelation of being woman, being young, being a wife and a child of God. Sarah is my Jesus girl!! 

 

I will always be grateful that the women above have intentionally shared their lives. Whether through a book, on Facebook or any media platform available. This is why I could overtime, cultivate and see a little bit of me in each and every one of them. I am truly grateful for their journey, their lessons, their scars, their pain, and failures and equally grateful for their joys, their success. I pray for them and that the Lord will continue using them in my life. 

 

My additional teachers who have been using their Instagram , Facebook, books intentionally to uplift are as follows:

1. Dr Anita Phillips – church girl, psychologist – she is fireand she is my pain HEALER. How she analyses the bible to real time, dealing with depression and anxiety will never be the same !!! 
2. Dr Brene Brown – she is my life coach I tell you – makes me want to pursue psychology as an expansion of my career
3. Alicia Keys – she’s growing and sharing her perspectives – she’s so mellow and intentional
4. Cece Winans –she’s the first person I saw who looked like me..the chubby chicks. I literally had pictures of her on will at work in 2006 – she doesn’t post much but holds a special place in my heart 
5. Serita Jakes  – she definitely is my other mother – her message on come home, always hits home . . .aspire to be as warm , caring and assuring as her 
6. Arianna Huffington – I always get aha moments with her page – she’s my game changer and mind challenger. Also taught me to REST and know that it is okay , through her Thrive community
7. Celine Dion – she’s so energetic. I watched her interview when she was battling to have kids. I had never seen a person so determined and with unshakeable faith. I also watched the documentary where she would say I am so in love, the next moment she would be shouting at Rene …. That real moment of being so in love and yet express that sense of no no no  I am not going to take it never left my mind  . .  it helped me declare how in love I am too J
8. Ms. Oprah- -she is the foundation of it all.  And I have no words, because the majority of these woman above, I got to know through the Master Class or other programs that I have had to stream online . . . .  

 

 

Role models are important.  Grateful for life in 2019 and the people who continue to open up about their worlds, even when they don’t owe us to so. 

 

They definitely give us permission to pursue of life’s gifts and purpose!!!

The mind – battlefield

Romans12: 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Today my reflections were about the transformation of my mind.

When I was young I transformed my mind by shutting down the true feelings and misinterpreted the scripture in Philippians 4:8-23 (MSG) which reads:

8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse good, the noble, the positive

I have learned that the best way is not to ignore the sadness that comes with life, but to rather acknowledge it and move ahead.

I think one of the statements that opened my soul up is one from Nelson Mandela when he said, courage is not the absence of fear. So the scripture says fill your minds, and filling something is a process.

And I think first it must start with acknowledging what is there, the void, the pain and sadness if be then continue to filling it up . . .

So confidence is not the absence of low self-esteem per se, the bravery is in the conquering of self-limiting beliefs and fear and see through it.. .. . . . I do believe that this is in part how I should transform my mind now.

The older I get the more understanding I receive, as the word of God says, in your getting get understanding. In reading a lot of books, I also realise that avoiding pain and suffering does not build any resilience muscles, all it does is create an unrealistic bubble about life. The bible is the best resource for people who suffered, in fact Paul says “close to death”.

A lot of books advise that even when raising kids, don’t rush to shut them down when they cry, but first validate their sadness and then help them sit through it and only then can you figure out how to be on the other side of that . . . . . in that way you saying crying is okay but you overcome me. This builds resilience and as a parent I do see the benefits of this approach in my own kids.

When we don’t validate what we feel and treat issues as though they don’t exist, we are limiting ourselves to TRUE GROWTH. When I write this line. . I can literally see abundant life disappearing . . . . Because I do believe that abundance should be in my inner world and flow to my outer world

I can see now that I definitely am a work in progress in how I renew my mind. I get it now what the Lord says our minds are a battlefield.

Here is the process that has been helping me do the trick of transforming my mind . . . . .

1. First I acknowledge the feeling – for what it is and not rush for what I hope it should be. This helps me identify what I am most afraid of. . . . . . Sometimes the truth is really scary and avoiding it is somewhat an escape in hope of trying to minimise the pain

2. Then I ask myself “HOW DOES THE STORY END?”- I got this from YouTube videos and have clung onto it for dear life. And here is how I apply it. When I feel sad, when I feel betrayed, when I feel lonely, when I feel lost, when I feel like I don’t belong. All these feeling, emotions and experiences

– I acknowledge them and then I ask myself how does the story end? – this helps me create a picture , a process on the other side of sadness, betrayal and I start to imagine and see myself , through a process and not an overnight escape – then I can apply that Philippians 4 – I see on the other side I am no longer in that state

3. Once I have processed number 2 above, I then try to allow myself to be open to the lesson – when I was younger I used to ask “how could I have avoided this “ as I grow older this question no longer serves me. All it does it spiral me into a life of could have, should haves which are anxiety filled and perfectionists orientated

4. The older I grow I understand that prayer “Lord help me accept the things that I cannot change “ and some of these things are stuff about myself and this prayer helps me be more open to what God says about me and forces me to lean on Him and not my own understanding

5. Some of those things are just linked with going 40 years in the wilderness instead of 11 days to the Promised Land. And you accept that this is life.

6. I then try to surrender, which is the opposite of giving up. The two can be very confusing and I think this is what the Lord is warning me about. The pattern of this world says you are in your mid-life, what is done is done and cannot be changed. This is true but God says transform your mind, with every age, new methods must be used and in this mid-life, this is what must work!!!!

7. The battle is on and the the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happens to them all

All our lives we have to fight !!! It’s called life

A testimony

“Imagination is everything, it is a preview to life’s coming attractions” Albert Einstein

Testimony

Last week I received a call from the administrator in the school’s office, asking me to come and meet the principal. This is the school we were praying and hoping to enroll our child in for Grade 1 and one of the main contributor to why we chose the area to raise our family in.

I arrived in the principal’s office and he welcomed me nicely, a minute in, he says, you might be wondering why I called you and I say yes, sir! And without delay he tells me the reason he asked me to see him. Mind you I am being addressed as Mrs. Malatji throughout the process. And this is what he said “I met you and your husband last week at the AGM, you know, as soon as I saw you, something said to me, you are the right people that we could work with in this school and so here is the issue. Two of our SGB members are leaving next year, in terms of the policy we can co-opt parents to be members of the SGB. This is the reason I called you today, my gut told me to ask you if you would consider being part of our school governing body”

He explained the process – – bi-elections – final elections etc. etc.

Long story short, I said yes!!!!!

Motivation

What do people see when they meet you? Most importantly what do you say to yourself about yourself? Once you start to know that you are bigger than just a body moving on this earth, but know it, deep down in your soul that you are gift sent on earth to impact somebody’s life, your life will never be the same again . . .

My imagination has always been large, it’s always been about using my skills set, my gift to contribute to the greater good of my community . . .

And I believe that it is not a co-incidence that the principal saw what he saw because this year we declared it a year of YES, yes to service, yes to growth. Even though he met us at an AGM, the meeting never took place because there was no quorum, I am writing this to say, he has never seen me speak or serve publicly in any way, yet his gut told him to approach me. He doesn’t know me!!!

You gift will make way for you, believe it!!!! And they don’t have to know you, their gut, the Holy Spirit will tell them!!

I wonder what do people’s gut say about you????

When you participate to get things done, you don’t become part of the people who complain and moan. Game changers don’t complain because they know they can turn things around. So taking an opportunity to serve in the SGB is a powerful and an immense opportunity to contribute in shaping and impacting our children and other families’ lives.

I do believe that is what God wants for our generation. Moses had to lift his rod and waters parted, but Joshua had to get his foot into the water, with the Ark of the Covenant and then the waters parted.

A revelation for the country

For South Africa to attain freedom, Nelson had to die to self and be sentenced 27 years. Bu for us now, we got to get our hands in the mud of inequality, of poverty and unemployment. This means we must raise our hands to influence the system in governing bodies, in administration to contribute helping our children’s view of life, our country and the world.

Become part of the change. Don’t sit by the sidelines. Stand up, join in and be part of the change that takes this country forward!!!!

We are stronger together. We carry the Ark of the Covenant, we are saved by grace and Jesus died for our sins and He came so that we will have life in abundance. This covenant with God is the key to our success and our actions , us raising our hands, us showing up, us being bothered by the status quo, us saying no to black and white racism, us speaking unity and not division every single day and everywhere we go, shall turn this country around !!!

Dear God,

I am here to serve, open the doors, up your game, I will show up!!!!!! I promised to say YES, to your will and to your word. We open ourselves to imagine a united South Africa, in Jesus name we pray. Amen

What do people see in you ???

Gardening – succulents

I am grateful for the feeling I get after cleaning the garden 🙏🙏🙏

It’s amazing how our corner looks like a one month after creation

I just love how beautiful these succulents and aloe looks like . Added about four types of succulents today and it’s looking very good

Gardening is definitely good for my brain 🧠